DAILY BLOG

Wednesday 3rd March 2010 - Rachael is dying.

   Rachael Wakefield is 22 years old, and is waiting for a double lung transplant. Time is running out - fast. If you haven't read it, go back to the HOME PAGE of this website, scroll down a bit and read what Rachael wrote. If you would accept an organ to save your own life, please sign the Organ Donor Register now. It takes two minutes on www.organdonation.nhs.uk or phone 0300 123 23 23.

Tuesday 2nd March 2010 - Up, up and away......

   Things are looking good. Recently we have endured horrendously severe problems caused by the headteacher of the girls' school, who not only disregarded Bethany's Healthcare Plan (resulting in Bethany being hospitalised and off school for seven weeks) but then conspired with an NHS worker to impose a dangerously inadequate plan without our consent or even knowledge. When we discovered this, we immediately withdrew the girls from the school. Last week, after four weeks at home, they started at a little village school with less than 80 pupils. The headteacher and staff at the new school have been the most helpful bunch of people we have met for a long time. The girls are happy and we know they are safe.

  While legal processes are taking place I had better not say too much, but in the near future the whole saga will appear on this website, naming the school, the people involved and the correspondence. It will shock and horrify you.

  Bethany had her checkup at the Liver Unit last week. The bone density weakness has cleared up, her blood test results came in "normal" and they don't want to see her again until the end of May.

  As I said, things are looking good!

Sunday 21st February 2010 - Spring is coming!

   The weather forecast today promised "the possibility of an odd shower of rain", so it wasn't too surprising to wake up to an arctic blizzard! We had two dancing competitions today, Leeds in the morning, Batley in the afternoon. With my expert driving skills (I've been watching "Ice Road Truckers"!) we made both venues on time and the girls won a few second and third prizes!

  The half-term holiday is nearly over - Bethany and Eloise start at a new school on Wednesday. The horrendous situation that forced us to withdraw them from their old school cannot be discussed on here yet, until some red tape has been tied up, but I promise all will be revealed in the not-too-distant future. If you have a child with special medical needs, it should interest you - no, it will shock and horrify you.

  Meanwhile, my website-building empire continues to expand - click HERE (especially if you are planning a wedding!) to see my latest site, launched only three days ago.

  And yes, nearly all the Christmas lights are down from the house, just a couple of rope lights and the supporting framework to do. It'll take me an hour or so, when the snow melts and it's safe to use a ladder!

Friday 5th February 2010 - I'm still here!

   Yes, it has been a while since I updated this page, but a lot has been happening. A scandalous situation has arisen at the girls' school - so horrendous it needs a page of its own, except I can't publish it yet for legal reasons. Watch this space!

  Then I took a sudden unscheduled holiday in Rotherham, Britain's most luxurious holiday resort. I returned after ten days to find my desk buried under paperwork and have only just got it under control.

  We celebrated the first anniversary of Bethany's liver transplant and it kept snowing, and snowing and snowing!

  But while all this was happening, they finally emptied our wheelie bins! Back to normal? Not quite - our house is still covered in Christmas illuminations!

Thursday 14th January 2010 - Kirklees council - pile of cr**!

  The schools closure list on their website made no mention of our school, so I got the girls ready, only to hear on Radio Leeds that they're closed. The website was updated every 20 minutes or so, but our school only appeared at 9.08 am, a quarter of an hour after starting time!!! Nearly all Kirklees schools are closed, but neighbouring Leeds, Calderdale, Bradford & Wakefield are all open. Kirklees have enough grit left to do major roads only three more times, and our bin was last emptied on 23rd December (grey) and 16th December (recycle). The street looks like a snow-covered fly-tip. What the hell are we paying our Council Tax for? (I also posted this on Facebook).

Wednesday 13th January 2010 - Goodbye, Nana.

   Sam's mother, Janet, passed away during the last week of December and the funeral was today. Bethany and Eloise wanted to come along and chose two of the hymns for the Church service. At the crematorium the undertaker got the girls to help arrange some helium balloons at the front, and afterwards the girls released these outside. Flakes of snow were falling as the balloons sailed away into the distance. Rest in peace, Janet.

  Meanwhile, 20-year-old Jessica Wales who has campaigned tirelessly for the Organ Donor Register had received a lung transplant after waiting four years. Sadly, only two weeks after the operation, things went wrong and she passed away. But her legacy will live on in the thousands who signed the register during her campaign. This Saturday (16th January) Bethany will celebrate a year in the company of her new liver. Could it be that Bethany's donor was recruited by Jessica's campaign? We will probably never know. Rest in peace, Jess.

Monday 11th January 2010 - The end of civilisation as we know it!

   Oh, no! What has happened? Nuclear war? Massive terrorist attacks on Dewsbury? Plagues of locusts? Earthquakes? No, it's worse than all this. During the night a whole centimetre of snow has plunged us into chaos. Having telephoned the school and being told they were open I took the girls and was met by a teacher who told us the headteacher had just arrived and declared it closed! On the way back I popped into the local shop for a pint of milk and discovered hoardes of desperate refugees ripping bread, milk and other essentials from the almost bare shelves! Hospitals are cancelling pre-planned operations to free up staff to help in A & E, because 25% of the population have either broken their wrists falling over, or drowned by walking across frozen lakes! Local roads are blocked by cars abandoned by drivers with no concept of clutch-control who spent an hour revving the guts out of the engine and spinning the wheels until the tyres were bald.

  I'm now going to do a late shift driving an Arriva bus around West Yorkshire. It will be a bit like an episode of "Ice Road Truckers"!

Wednesday 6th January 2010 - Snowed in!

  What is wrong with this country? It's winter, so you would think a bit of snow would not come as a surprise, wouldn't you? Well, after only two weeks of cold weather and two snowfalls the country is on its knees. Schools are closed, train, bus and airports are all disrupted, roads are treacherous and we have no grit left to treat them. Our local council, Kirklees, having not emptied our bins since 22nd December, are only treating certain main roads. One spokesperson on the radio said that they had decided to close schools in case anyone fell over walking there! The rest of the world must be p***ing themselves laughing at us!

Wednesday 30th December 2009 - Here comes 2010.

   Are we really a tenth of the way through the 21st century already? Slowly sobering up amid Santa's generous gifts for the kids (which have taken over the living room) I've had a chance to do some website work. The Donna's Dream House website has had a facelift, and Bethany has combined her website with Eloise to make a superb child-friendly site with lots of games and stuff. Take a look - www.bethanyandeloise.com

  As this will be my last update for the decade, I'll take the opportunity to wish you a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Thursday 24th December 2009 - Happy Christmas!

   For the first time in my whole life there is a deep snowfall on Christmas Eve! All the presents are wrapped, the last-minute shopping done and, unlike last year when we were waiting for the call for a liver transplant, we have a healthy Bethany! It doesn't get better than this! Have a happy Christmas!

Sunday 20th December 2009 - Eurofarce!

   Yes, once again it was the wrong type of snow! Not one, but FOUR of the Eurostar Channel Tunnel trains broke down last night, trapping hundreds of people in the tunnel for up to 16 hours! And the excuse? "The cold weather in France!" A few inches of snow and the whole of the UK is gridlocked with Police saying "Don't go out unless your journey is absolutely essential!" But not to worry, local authorities have spent the summer stockpiling enough rock salt to grit the roads for up to six days! Pardon? SIX days? And where do they expect to buy more on Boxing Day?

  Still, it helped create the Christmas atmosphere and get the kids excited. On the way back from our candlelit Carol Service, I stopped off with Bethany to build a snowman near the beautiful Dewsbury Hospital Christmas tree, which still has all its bulbs!

Saturday 19th December 2009 - Too late!

   If you want to admire the Thornhill Christmas tree, you just missed your chance! The new bulbs that were put on yesterday have gone already!

Friday 18th December 2009 - Snow!

   Today was the last day of the school term, and we woke up to the first snow of winter! The girls are all excited, and we noticed another new set of bulbs on the Thornhill Christmas tree. This was my cue to put even more decorations up in the living room. Tomorrow I might start my Christmas shopping.....

Monday 14th December 2009 - Happy birthday, Thomas!

   Yes, my son Thomas is 24 today! Seems like only yesterday when I was changing his nappy! When he was little, we couldn't mention Christmas until his birthday was over, so as not to distract from the occasion.

  And today someone else didn't want to mention Christmas. I arrived home at teatime to see a British Telecom engineer admiring my Christmas lights. "Oi," he said, "Can you remove that stuff from our phone cable?" Apparently the string of LED lights stretching from our house over the road, suspended from the phone line, are sending 240 volts down the phone network, slowing everyone's broadband and blowing the headphones off the operators at our local exchange. Obviously looking forward to a heated argument, he looked very deflated when I said "Yes, OK!" with a smile on my face. So tomorrow I'll be back up the ladder - bah, humbug!

Saturday 12th December 2009 - Almost there....

   Thirteen days to go (and about as many parties!) We're slowly getting there, the girls spent the morning decorating their own little Christmas tree. It looks very pretty lighting up a corner of the living room, which is more than can be said for the Thornhill Christmas tree. The lights were installed on Tuesday, most were stolen the same night. They were replaced on Thursday, but apart from a few at the very top they've all been taken again. They're having similar problems at Westborough and Ravensthorpe. Let's just hope that one of the worthless little scumbags accidentally puts his finger in a live socket!

Sunday 6th December 2009 - Exhausted!

   Last night was the big switch-on. A few last-minute problems were solved - thanks to Colin & Judith who lent us a gazebo. Although it was a sunny day with a good forecast, an hour before kick-off it poured down, and the expected large crowds were a little thinner than we had hoped, but our friend Councillor Masood Ahmed performed the honours and helped serve the tea. Paul Talbot fetched the Arriva bus on which Heather Green painted faces and we all scoffed the buffet. Staincliffe Baptist Church lent us a tea urn, Dewsbury Evangelical Church lent us a PA system and Santa himself turned up and enjoyed himself in his grotto! Thanks to everyone who turned up or helped. We're still counting the money - the total will be announced in January after the lights are switched off.

  This morning we went to a "Special Kids in the UK" party in Huddersfield, then home to get changed and off to Leeds to see the Northern Ballet Theatre performing "A Christmas Carol" at the Leeds Grand Theatre, with free tickets kindly donated to the St James's Liver Unit. Our little friend Niamh Coyne (see 17th February 2009 below) was there. We were treated to free hospitality in the Yorkshire Post Suite, and after the show were treated to a buffet tea. The cast came to visit us and "Scrooge" sat on the floor and chatted with the girls. They really were a lovely crowd of people and the quality of the show was excellent! Christmas has begun....

  However, there is always one thing to infuriate - I went to Wakefield Westgate Station to pick up a friend with her little boy, who uses a wheelchair. The train deposited them on platform 2, the other side of the footbridge from the exit. There was a member of staff detailed to escort them over the level track crossing, but they had to get permission from "Control", wherever that may be. They were kept waiting for almost 40 minutes as another wheelchair user was due to arrive on a later train and they wanted to cross them together! The process of leaving the station actually took them longer than their train journey from Rotherham! And this is the year 2009! Disgraceful is an understatement!

Wednesday 2nd December 2009 - CHRISTMAS IS COMING!

   Three days to the big switch-on, so I thought I'd start on the inside of the house. When the girls arrived home from school and saw the Christmas tree in the front room, I thought they would burst with the excitement! We dug out the Spongebob Squarepants Christmas DVD and spent the evening watching. Tomorrow I'm in Liverpool for a meeting at the Blue Coat School, then on Friday I can start building Santa's grotto ready for the big event. I'm getting rather excited myself!

  After the girls went to bed, I decorated their websites for Christmas, (Bethany's and Eloise's), and replaced the music tracks with Christmas tunes. Then I did the same on this website!

  Still no attempt by Kirklees to install lights on the Thornhill Christmas tree.....

Wednesday 25th November 2009 - ONE MONTH TO CHRISTMAS!

   Yes! This afternoon I finally wired up the last set of lights - it's all ready for the big switch-on in ten days' time. (See www.christmasinthornhill.com).

  Today it was ruled that the OFT cannot get involved in the so-called "unfair" charges made by banks to those with an unauthorised overdraft - and there is a big public outcry. But let's get this in perspective. Over the years I have incurred many charges for going overdrawn without permission, and it can be very costly. But this is an UNAUTHORISED overdraft. The customers have taken the bank's money without asking. If you take money from anyone else without permission it is classed as THEFT, because that is exactly what it is. When they opened their accounts, these people will have signed an agreement, including these charges, so they should shut up and pay. The only exceptions to this should be if the bank has made a mistake by taking, for example, a direct debit that the customer had cancelled, or if a third party has made an unscheduled withdrawal (like Webeden did for my website package, they took 2010's fee a year early!) In this case, the third party should be made to pay. So if you think these charges are unfair, maybe the banks should refund the charges and get you prosecuted for theft - that would wipe the sanctimonious smirks off the faces of the campaigners.

  Let's be clear about this, I don't like the banking system, especially as the Government are propping it up with my money, but on this occasion I believe the banks are absolutely right.

  Still no lights on the famous Thornhill Christmas tree - watch this space!

Sunday 22nd November 2009 - THE CHUCKLE BROTHERS

   The festive season is fast approaching, so we got off to an early start by taking Bethany & Eloise to the Halifax Victoria Theatre last night to see The Chuckle Brothers in their new show "A Christmas Cracker". The girls laughed solidly for two hours. (So did I!) After the show, they met their heroes in the flesh and got photos and autographs! I'm just working on our "round robin" - we intend to send all our Christmas cards out in the next week or so, along with over 600 Blue Coat Brotherly Society newsletters! Then we are staging our great "switch-on" with local Councillor Masood Ahmed on 5th December. I only have six more days of bus driving this year, then we can get our feet up and wait for Santa!

  The famous Thornhill Christmas tree has appeared again in the park near our house. They haven't put any lights on it yet, but - if last year is anything to go by - there won't be much point!

Thursday 12th November 2009 - DON'T READ THE NEWSPAPERS!

   ....unless you want to be wound up by the idiots running this country. On Tuesday I bought a newspaper and read about 27-year-old Mary Cooke of Newcastle-under-Lyme. Having reported a speeding driver who nearly knocked her down, she was visited by a policewoman who took a statement. Being 6 months pregnant, she and her husband were in the process of redecorating their house ready for the new arrival. The policewoman did not mention the untidy state of the part-decorated room to Mrs Cooke, but she sneaked away and reported her to Social Services who decided her unborn child would be "at risk" living in a partly decorated house! The child isn't even born yet, but is on an active Social Services file simply because the family did a bit of wallpapering! This reminds me of the sneaky, malicious report the Children's Liver Disease Foundation made to the NSPCC about my daughter Bethany being "at risk" because I dared mention her name on the Internet. (Click HERE for more). I think the lesson to be learned here is to keep your children secret, and never let anyone into your house unless they have a search warrant!

  Then I read about Gordon Brown, a total ignoramus who didn't have the decency to bow after laying a wreath on the Cenotaph on Remembrance Sunday. He sent a hastily scrawled note to the mother of Jamie Janes, a young soldier killed by a Taliban bomb. The note contained several spelling mistakes, including Mrs Jane's name and her son's. My young daughters (aged 6 and 4) can both write more tidily than this unelected, insensitive buffoon who is supposedly running the country.

  Next I read about Professor Nutt (never was there a more appropriate name!) As a top drugs advisor to the Government, he declared that alcohol was more harmful than certain other dubious substances. He also declared that drugs were safer than horse-riding! What a looney - he had to go. Enter the comical Home Secretary, Alan Johnson. This was the guy (with not a single academic qualification) who was reshuffled out of the post of Education Secretary following his ludicrous attempts to let the Church of England help themselves to my old school, the Liverpool Blue Coat. He was then reshuffled out of the post of Health Secretary after announcing that the Swine Flu was safely contained and would not spread. Alan Johnson had an advisor telling him that drugs were relatively safe. So he accused Professor Nutcase of meddling in politics and trying to influence the Government and promptly sacked him! (What else is a Government advisor supposed to do?) Several other Government advisors resigned on the spot when they found out. So, if you are a Government advisor, you can only advise them what they tell you to!

  The problem here is that Gordon Brown's popularity is so low, he will need replacing any day now, and it looks like Alan Johnson is being groomed for the job. Be afraid..... be VERY afraid!

  Back in the real world, I spent today standing on a roof, constructing a wooden bridge covered in fairy lights across the gap from our house to the one next door! Nothing unusual there, then......

Friday 6th November 2009 - CLINGING BY A FINGERNAIL TO MY FORTIES!

   With only two days to go until my half-century, I'm proving how young and fit I am, having spent three days going up and down a ladder hanging thousands of Christmas lights on the front of our house ready for the big "switch-on", which takes place on Saturday 5th December. (See www.christmasinthornhill.com) We're hoping to make a thousand pounds for the Sick Children's Trust again. Our local Councillor, Masood Ahmed, will be pushing the switch.

  So how will I be spending my 50th birthday? Driving a bus on the shuttle service for the Dewsbury Bus Museum open day! In the evening I intend to have a drink or two, then the next day I'll hire a truck to collect my thousands of presents from the Postal Sorting Office (in my dreams!) Here's to the next half-a-century!

Wednesday 21st October 2009 - "YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK - GOODBYE!"

  In a tense vote count (reminiscent of "X Factor" or "Big Brother") I failed in my bid to become a parent governor at the school which Bethany and Eloise attend. There were two vacancies and five candidates. The scores were 31, 25, 13, 12 and 4. I got 12, but at least I didn't come last. Maybe next year...... Strange that the two candidates elected to represent parents both happen to be on the Education Authority payroll. But I'd better not voice my opinion here!

Tuesday 20th October 2009 - LIVE LIFE THEN GIVE LIFE

   I was invited to speak to a Ladies' Meeting at Zion Baptist Church in Mirfield. I did my first-ever PowerPoint presentation about Bethany's liver transplant, and the Organ Donor Register. Hopefully a few of the ladies who took literature away will sign up and some more lives will be saved. And if you haven't signed up yet, the link to do so is on the "Welcome" page of this website!

Friday 16th October 2009 - A CHOCOLATE PARTY!

   To start the day, I fastened lots of wooden batons to the front of the house ready to support the Christmas lights which will start appearing next week ready for our big Sick Children's Trust fundraiser on 5th December. Check it out on www.christmasinthornhill.com

  In the evening we went to a Chocolate Party at Eckersley House, the Sick Children's Trust "home from home" at St James' Hospital in Leeds. In two hours I undid the work of weeks of dieting, but a great time was had by all. They were selling my book "Oops-a-daisy", and upon realising that the author was on the premises, crowds began to follow me begging me to sign their copies. A slight exaggeration, but flattering all the same. This means I am now an established famous author (watch out J K Rowling!!!) Tomorrow I'm off to buy a cravatte and velvet jacket. Then I can start hanging out in wine bars indulging in philosphical debate with my fellow writers.

  Back in the real world, I have just launched a website for Paula Collett who can arrange just about everything you need for your wedding (in West Yorkshire). Take a look at www.wedding-art.co.uk

Wednesday 7th October 2009 - SOLD DOWN THE RIVER BY THE UNION

   I joined the Transport & General Workers' Union in 1989, and have twice been elected as "Rota Rep", negotiating our duty schedules with management. A couple of years ago I voted for the merger with Amicus to make a very large Union called "UNITE". I was conned! They promised great things, especially campaigning against job cuts in many industries. Take, for instance this extract from a campaign to save jobs at Axa Insurance (published in August 2009):

   "Unite, The UK’s largest trade union, has condemned AXA Life’s plans announced today (Wednesday) to reduce costs by £150 million by 2012 which will mean a 10 per cent cut in staff - up to 350 job losses - with most of these taking place over 2009 and 2010." (Read the full story on the Unite website by clicking HERE).

  Now here is a quote from a letter sent this week to Unite members, including me, which also informed us of an increase in subscription charges:

  "Since the start of the year we have embarked on a wide-ranging programme of administrative economies, ensuring that we can deliver to all our members the same level of support and services at reduced cost. In particular we are undertaking to reduce staff & officers by 200 within the Union and review the cost of the Union's own pension scheme."

  This reminds me of George Orwell's book "Animal Farm" in which the pigs were elected to campaign against the humans, and gradually became humans themselves.

  The joint General Secretaries' earnings for the year ending 31st December 2007 are rather startling.  Derek Simpson received a salary of £62,673, plus pension contributions of £16,156 and "other" income of £39,514 - a grand total of, wait for it, £118,343. In second place is Tony Woodley whose salary was £59,533, pension contributions £9,552 and "other" £3,360 - a grand total of £72,445. These two fat-cat bosses, between them, collected £190,788.  I bet none of the rank-and-file membership earns anything near this obscene amount!

  Unite has shifted from being a Union to being just another money-making business enterprise, with no regard for those on its payroll.  They are doing exactly what they condemn others for doing.  It's hypocritical and it stinks!  I will be withdrawing my membership, and I hope others follow.

  I wonder which union the Unite workers can join to fight their employer?

  By the way, has anybody found a mobile phone? I lost mine today.

Thursday 1st October 2009 - THE GO-KARTS

  An old friend from the 1970s, who I hadn't seen for a quarter of a century, spotted me on Facebook and got in touch, reminiscing about the wooden go-karts we built. This sparked a few comments from others who remembered them, so I got digging in the archives for photographs. The result is a new page on this website (click HERE). If you were one of the many who joined us racing in Halewood Drive and Hunts Cross Avenue around 1976/77, please take a look at this and CONTACT ME with your memories.

Monday 21st September 2009 - ROLLING BACK THE YEARS

   Yesterday was the Merseyside Transport Trust Running Day in Liverpool. I was teamed up with my brother John on Atlantean 1236, followed by Leyland National 6036. We got as far as Woolton Village when the gearbox seized up! We limped back to South Parkway and the bus went home on a tow truck. Apart from this, the day was a huge success, sixteen buses running on a variety of routes. I met up with former MPTE colleagues and a lad I hadn't seen since leaving junior school in 1971. Click HERE to see my photographs of the day. Meanwhile Samantha was with Bethany and Eloise on the beach at Scarborough.

  Today is the first day of autumn and, bang on cue, the weather suddenly turned much colder. Only 94 days to Christmas.......

Wednesday 16th September 2009 - FOUR DAYS TO SUNDAY!

   When my brother John and I were little, we used to pretend we were the crew of a Liverpool bus. We made destination blinds out of rolls of wallpaper and one of us would sit below the stairs making realistic engine noises, whilst the other ran up and down the staircase shouting "Ding, ding!" and giving imaginary tickets to imaginary passengers.

  This Sunday (20th September) we will be reliving those days with a real bus and real passengers on the streets of Liverpool. It's the Merseyside Transport Trust Running Day when John and I will be operating on routes 4, 5, 16, 66B, 73, 87 and 99 with an Atlantean dating from 1973. Click HERE for more details, and to see where you might find us. Why not come for a ride on our bus - it's free!

Friday 4th September 2009 - SWINE FLU: THE TRUTH?

  Have you had Swine Flu yet? Are you thinking of taking the vaccine when it eventually becomes available? Well, think again. Make an informed decision. And the starting place for this is the new page I added today to this website. It's called "Swine Flu - the truth?"  Take a look now, you'll be shocked.

Tuesday 1st September 2009 - A SEASON IN THE SUN

   And so we come to the end of the summer holidays. Autumn Term starts tomorrow, and the jobs piling up on my desk include things like applying for the road closure for our Christmas lights event on 5th December (only 14 weeks away!!!)

  This has been Bethany's first summer "post-transplant" and we seem to have crammed into the last few weeks all the stuff we couldn't do in the last six years. And what have we achieved?

  BLACKPOOL - we paid a visit to Donna's Dream House, who were so good to us when Bethany was very ill. Taking Bethany out of school during term time (naughty, naughty!) paid off, because the dreaded swine flu arrived at the school while we were away, saving Bethany from medical complications.

  BRIDLINGTON - hours on the beach and in the fairground, proving that we COULD run faster than the local swarms of wasps could fly, finally taking refuge on a sea cruise in the Yorkshire Belle, and running for home in an unexpected and sudden rainstorm.

  SCARBOROUGH - more beach and fairground fun, with a few wasps thrown in.

  GOLDEN VALLEY - a campsite in Derbyshire where the annual "Special Kids in the UK" day was held. Bethany learned to ride a quad bike, Eloise completed an army-style assault course, Sam slid down a mountainside suspended on a high wire cable and I dropped my reading specs in the car park then drove the car over them!

  THE CAR AUCTION in Morley where we got a splendid 53-reg Rover 45 to replace our S-reg Escort that has terminal engine problems.

  YORK RAILWAY MUSEUM - we met a little boy called William, who has also had a liver transplant, and as he led us excitedly around the place his mum took loads of photographs for a forthcoming publication. The museum is fantastic (and free!) but I must go back sometime without any children so I can stay in one place long enough to study the exhibits.

  GULLIVER'S WORLD near Matlock - a superb day out with some other "liver families". On this occasion our Ford Escort was sitting outside the house with a very sick engine, the new Rover had arrived but due to the ineptitude of the insurance company we had not received the documents which would enable us to buy a tax disc, so we had to hire a Vauxhall Corsa. It was brand new, but had a silver strip round the dash console that reflected in the windscreen and was very distracting, a sharp edge on top of a seat on which I gashed my forearm, an indicator stalk whose "innovative" design meant that the only way to get rid of a right signal was to give a left one, and an engine so underpowered that it failed to climb the ramp into the Gulliver's World car park. Gulliver's World itself was good, but a word of warning - on most rides each kid must be accompanied by an adult and most rides had seats in pairs. This is totally useless if you are one adult taking two kids. The only way to get what you'd paid for would be to do every ride yourself twice, each time leaving an unattended child behind. Fortunately, as we were a large group, we could swap and change adults and kids.

  SUNDOWN ADVENTURELAND near Worksop. This was so good we went twice! It is absolutely ideal for under-10s and the fact that I was one adult with two kids on the second occasion did not matter at all. At £8.50 each for all-day unlimited rides it is excellent value. However, there were also all-day unlimited wasps (must have followed us from Bridlington).

  COVENTRY - the transplant games. Sam went with the girls and they had a great time. See Sam's blog (link at the top) for the full story.

  THE BACK GARDEN - we pitched the tent and spent some of those hot sticky nights out where it was cool.

  SCHOOL - yes, school! The girls have been to a gardening club at school every Wednesday, as well as continuing with their dancing lessons.

  NATIONAL COAL MINING MUSEUM - we went there several times, and the fireplace in our living room is now adorned with three miners' lamps; a real one and two cardboard ones made by the girls in the activity workshops. I even did the one-mile walk 140 metres underground with Bethany.

  HUDDERSFIELD - We gave the girls their first experience of ten-pin bowling. With the help of the ramps they both scored very well (and better than me!) Eloise in particular was delighted when she knocked down nine pins with her first-ever ball!

  LIVERPOOL - I did this one by myself. A girl who left the Blue Coat School in 1949 then went to New Zealand was back in the UK, so I arranged a reunion for her friends at the school, followed by a superb meal in a nearby restaurant (the Richmond Tavern, Church Road, Wavertree - on the site of the Prince Alfred Road bus depot where I worked from 1981 to 1983). Then I visited my Auntie Jean and Uncle Keith and met my brother John's girlfriend (Hello, Sue!) for the first time.

  ST JAMES' HOSPITAL, LEEDS.  Last Thursday Bethany's monthly blood test revealed an alarming climb in her ALT levels. (This should be below 50, but it was over 400). She was immediately admitted for an ultrasound scan and a liver biopsy under general anaesthetic. The results have come back clear, the new liver is fine. She came home on Saturday and will be monitored closely over the coming weeks. A blood test today revealed the ALT level had fallen back to 89. These "blips" are to be expected and compared to other transplant patients we have been very fortunate to have got through almost eight months without a stay in hospital. And Bethany loves the Liver Ward, she was so excited when we told her she had to go in!

  And here we are, time to write names in the new school uniforms - Eloise starts full-time school this week - and maybe things will slow down a bit.

  So, what did you do this summer?

Wednesday 12th August 2009 - KIRKLEES COUNCIL - a pile of rubbish!

   At the end of June a booklet dropped through the door explaining that as from 10th August our grey wheelie bin (non-recyclable) would be emptied fortnightly instead of each week. As we already had problems cramming the rubbish into a bin for weekly collections, I rang and requested a second bin. The person I spoke to promised it would be delivered.

  Today was our first day without a grey bin collection. Our grey bin is full and there was no sign of the second bin we had been promised. I rang to enquire about this and was told (by "Peter 343") that they had arrived with our new bin on 23rd July but left again because they noticed we had a grey bin already! Kirklees Council have decreed that we should be able to "manage" our waste so that it all fits in the bin. He said that if more than six people lived here we could have a bigger bin, but we could not have two. Otherwise we would have to take it to the tip ourselves!

  I pointed out that we have paid our Council Tax (in full up to next April!) and expected our rubbish to be collected. He refused to budge so I told him that we will have no option but to bag up the stuff that won't fit in the bin and leave it out next Wednesday and every fortnight from then on. But from past experience (see 23rd July 2008 and 29th December 2008 below) I know what will happen. Our street will rapidly become a huge "fly-tip".

  The positive note is that the neighbourhood cats will soon have plenty of rats to catch!

Tuesday 28th July 2009 - ACTION CAMP IDIOT

   Bill Fitzgerald had his moment of fame this weekend - for all the wrong reasons. He is a leader at "Action Camp" for deprived Welsh youngsters. On Saturday afternoon he organised a team-building exercise on the beach at Tenby, South Wales. 36 youngsters, aged 10 to 20, with four adult leaders linked arms and walked BACKWARDS into the sea, fully clothed and singing! He chose to do this at low tide near a large sign warning people of the dangers of sandbanks at low tide! He did it well outside the part of the beach patrolled by lifeguards, near another sign telling people to keep out of the sea at this point. This guy is obviously very intelligent and can be trusted with the lives of dozens of children.

  The horrified lifeguards spotted the crowd from a distance and raced down the beach to warn them that they were in serious danger. As the first lifeguard arrived the sandbank collapsed depositing the crowd who were already waist-deep into a fast-flowing tidal current. It is generally agreed that, if the lifeguard had not been on the scene, at least half-a-dozen kids would have drowned in the next few minutes. Due to their heroic actions only two needed hospital treatment; one with a lungful of water, the other with an asthma attack.

  Bill Fitzgerald, not wanting to get wet, was watching from the beach. As people with commonsense began to express their total disbelief at the reckless stupidity of the stunt he went on the defensive. This is what he said:

  "We have been doing this exercise for three years. I lived in Pembrokeshire for eight years. I've never heard of this (sandbank). The fact that lifeguards were parked there gave us the security and the knowledge that we could run the exercise." "The reason for doing this is that a number of Welsh youngsters have never even seen the sea. There is always a risk when going into the sea but we feel we managed the risk from our point of view." "With hindsight we won't do it again. I'm sad on behalf of the kids. There's a danger that they will never be able to face a risk and I think society suffers as a result of that."  What?!!!

  He said the lifeguards patrolling the beach had their 4x4 vehicles parked 12 feet away (no, they didn't!) At first he claimed to have consulted the RNLI and had clearance to do the exercise, and he insisted that he would continue doing it. Now he's admitted he did not speak to the RNLI.

  As the lifeguards pointed out, even strong swimmers cannot swim when weighed down by wet clothes. I have yet to find out what qualifications Bill Fitzgerald has, or how much he is paid to do this, but he failed to see at least two warning signs, and ordered 36 kids to walk backwards, fully clothed, into the sea. I reckon this qualifies him for a place in the nuthouse.

  And as for the RNLI lifeguards - they practise their rescue techniques at least twice a week and get paid nothing! They are volunteers who bravely risk their own lives to save those who have the misfortune to be in the "care" of Bill Fitzgerald!

Friday 10th July 2009 - A TRAGEDY WAITING TO HAPPEN

   Peter Harvey is a 49-year-old Science teacher at a school in Mansfield. Jack Waterhouse is a 14-year-old pupil at the same school. Around 11.00 am on Wednesday 8th July they were seen "having an argument" in the classroom. A few minutes later Jack lay unconscious in a pool of blood with severe head injuries inflicted by Mr Harvey using a weight.

  Whilst not defending Peter Harvey's actions, and without voicing an opinion about this incident, one startling fact leaps from this scene. Pupil and teacher were "having an argument". Maybe I'm a bit old-fashioned, but when I was a schoolboy we did not dare argue with teachers. They were in charge and we did as we were told.

  Nowadays pupils have "rights". Teachers must not raise their voices or criticise pupils. They must "encourage" them. If a pupil says that 2+2=99, he is not "wrong" - he "isn't quite right but well done for trying!" If a teacher upsets a pupil they can expect a visit from threatening parents. Teachers get very little support and are simply not allowed to control the pupils.

  Maybe Peter Harvey finally snapped - frustrated by his inability to tell this lad to sit down and shut up. Time (and the Court case) will tell. But in my dealings with schools in my local area and beyond I see this frustration building up to frightening levels - and not just in schools. As a bus driver I cannot order unruly hooligans off the bus if they are under 16. Juvenile crime, including knife crime and worse, is spiralling out of control. Successive governments have tiptoed round these yobboes and pandered to their every whim to the extent that we have a generation of layabouts who think the world owes them a living, and have no respect for anyone else, least of all those who have studied and graduated to try and lead them to a better life.

  I was a voluntary youth leader from 1977 until 1989, and helped out a few months ago with a local youth group. The change in the collective attitude of the children frightened me. Any attempt to direct or control was simply ignored. Things have changed for the worse. I will not be working with children again, and I pity anyone who has to.

  I have a horrible feeling that we will see more Peter Harveys in coming years, unless the government lets schools, and indeed the Police, take control again.

  To read more, and offer Peter your support, see the page I have added to this website. Click HERE.

  STOP PRESS - Peter Harvey appeared in Court on 27th July. He was remanded to appear on 28th September. No application was made for bail. Watch this space......

Tuesday 30th June 2009 - THE GREAT EDUCATION DEBATE

   There is a lot of controversy raging about grammar schools. A lot of influential people are convinced that the lack of grammar schools is responsible for poor standards. AOL are conducting an on-line poll about this. It has the heading, "SHOULD WE BRING BACK GRAMMER SCHOOLS?" Need I say more? !!!

Friday 26th June 2009 - MICHAEL JACKSON R.I.P.

   I've never really been a fan of Michael Jackson, but he has been interesting. Sleeping in an oxygen chamber to achieve eternal life on earth, living with a chimpanzee, dangling babies over balconies, undergoing plastic surgery and doing whatever he did (or didn't do) with those young boys all kept him in the public eye. He could sing and dance too! He was undoubtedly a brilliant artist. And he was only a year older than me. Since I was a kid, he has been around, charting hits with The Jackson Five, then starting his solo career. As teenagers, nearly 40 years ago, we sung the Michael Jackson songs, and drooled over Farrah Fawcett Majors, the georgeous blonde in "Charlie's Angels". But yesterday they both died. Michael Jackson was 50 and Farrah Fawcett was 62.

  It seems that yet another piece of concrete has been chipped from the foundations of our lives. We take it for granted that these people will always be around. But they won't - and neither will we. Several people with whom I was at school have since departed this life. When I was young, it felt like I would live forever. Now it's obvious I won't - at least not on this planet. So what is the answer? Take a look at Romans Chapter 6 in the Bible. (Click the underlined link).

Thursday 25th June 2009 - TESCO; DON'T GO!

   I've said a lot of complimentary things about Tesco in this blog, especially their support of the Organ Donor campaign. There is no doubt that Tesco do a lot of good work, but today I finally decided to do some shopping there, and my opinion rapidly changed.

  I took my four-year-old daughter to the Batley branch to buy a birthday present for Mummy. Eloise wanted to buy a plasma TV, but I pointed out the limits of our spending power based on the amount of cash we had on us. She finally settled on some items that were on "special offer" with large yellow stickers on the shelves announcing their reduced prices. Then we went to the till, where the assistant rang up a total price far beyond our means. I queried this and mentioned the yellow stickers. He sent his mate to check. Eventually his mate returned to say that the stickers related to goods on another shelf, and blamed customers for moving stuff around. He refused to sell them for the price on the yellow sticker and invited us to take the matter up with the manager. Well done, Tesco, you just lost a customer!

  On our way out, Eloise announced that she needed the toilet. The "baby change" room, unlike Tesco's local rivals, simply contained a table - no toilet for a four-year-old girl. The disabled toilet was only available to members of the Radar Key Scheme so we couldn't get in. As any attempt to take her into the ladies' would have resulted in my arrest, I had to take her to the gents'. The one available cubicle had a huge pool of (presumably) urine on the floor, smelt disgusting and had no toilet paper.

  So it seems our local branches of Tesco and Asda are holding some sort of competition to see who can be the least customer-friendly. My advice would be to avoid both, but as they have squeezed all the decent competition out of the area by charging low prices for equally low-quality rubbish, they have left us with little other choice.

  A few miles away, in Heckmondwike, we have a Morrison's store which I intend to try next. I last visited there a few years ago in search of envelopes and writing paper. They had a reasonably decent stationery section, but stacked among the rulers, pencils and box files were several shelves of salmon pate! I asked an assistant why they were in the stationery department and he said, "They're on special offer!" I asked why they were not in the food section, where customers might expect to find them, to which he said, "I just told you - they're on special offer!" But at least the toilets were clean and the prices on the shelves matched the prices at the till.

  I will report back, when I've tried it.

Tuesday 16th June 2009 - DANCING QUEENS

   Bethany has completed her first full week at school with no interruptions for blood tests etc. Not only that, but she is going to an early morning school PE club on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and dancing lessons two evenings each week. Her dancing teacher decided that she was now back up to competition standard and let her compete with the troupe at a two-day event in Rothwell over the weekend. Eloise was also performing on the Sunday, and in both competitions the troupe came first, resulting in yet more medals for the girls' collections.

  Last weekend (7th June) Bethany was the special guest to open the annual gala at the National Coal Mining Museum. Is there no stopping this girl?

  Meanwhile the MPs' expenses scandal is losing its appeal for the media, who have suddenly realised that there are now over 1000 confirmed cases of Mexican flu. We have a new Health Secretary (Lord Ashtray, or something similar). I wonder what he'll make of the situation?

Friday 5th June 2009 - GOING, GOING, GONE!

   Scroll down to 3rd May 2009 and see what I said about Health Secretary Alan Johnson. I predicted that Gordon Brown would reshuffle him out of his job before the flu pandemic was over. Guess what happened today? Yes, Alan Johnson was reshuffled! I wonder which unqualified idiot will be the next Health Secretary? The media are being strangely quiet about Mexican flu at the moment - I wonder why?

Saturday 29th May 2009 - SKY'S THE LIMIT!

   Having subscribed to SKY satellite TV for quite a while, we had been having problems recently. After about 8.00 pm reception on most channels became very poor, the picture kept freezing and sound was interrupted by loud clicking noises and periods of silence. When we contacted them, they told us we had to pay £65 before an engineer would even turn out to look at it, on the assumption that we were not operating the switches correctly. They said that we could post our card back to them for replacement, and the new one would be sent out within a week of them receiving the old one! Meanwhile we would have to keep paying for a service we were not receiving. We have now told them to stuff their so-called "service" and have switched to Virgin. A free set-top box was already in our possession following installation of a telephone line two years ago. I connected this up, made a quick phone call to upgrade from the (very) basic package, and - only five minutes later - we were watching several hundred channels, for only 45p a month more than Sky!

  The only misgiving I have about this is that Virgin took over from NTL in our area. Past experience with NTL included every single bill being wrong, direct debits taken several times over, a call centre where you were kept on hold listening to tinny music for ages (on one occasion for 2 hours and 35 minutes!), and cables laid half an inch below the lawn where the lawn mower soon destroyed them! However - so far - Virgin appear to have got rid of all this. Their call centre operator was actually able to speak fluent English, a great rarity these days, and did what she had promised.

  Meanwhile we watched with dismay as the engineers from Sky installed a dish on our neighbour's house!

Friday 22nd May 2009 - ANTHONY STEEN MP: ARROGANT PRAT OF THE YEAR

   The MP for Totnes (Devon), like me, started his career in Liverpool. But whilst I have slaved away for 30 years to live in a 2-bedroom ex-council house, he simply claimed £87,000 to maintain his "very very large house". I feel so strongly about this parasite that I have given him a whole page on this website. Please click HERE to see it.

Wednesday 20th May 2009 - RIPPED OFF AGAIN!

   Our electricity bills have suddenly increased dramatically, but we haven't changed our lifestyle. This is worrying. First I traced the cables to check that the street lights were not connected to our recently replaced meter. Then I rang the supplier who offered to check the meter. If it was faulty, they would replace it. If it turns out to be OK (in their opinion!!!) they will charge us £56 + VAT! So I rang their "energy efficiency" hotline, who ran through all our appliances to see what could be costing so much. And here we found the problem.

  Our brand new "energy efficient" washing machine only has a cold water inlet. (Traditional machines feed off both the hot and cold water mains). This means that with each load the machine fills with icy cold water, then sits for an hour heating it up to 90 degrees! Apparently this costs about £7 per load!!! It would be cheaper to go to the launderette, and only marginally more expensive to throw our clothes away and buy new ones each week!

  And this is meant to save the planet?

Tuesday 19th May 2009 - PARLIAMENT COLLAPSES!

   Things are happening! Bethany is now back at school on a full-time basis, and seems to be coping well. My second book is now published and selling in large numbers, and Michael Martin (or whatever his name is), the Speaker of the House of Commons assured us that he had no intention of resigning over the MPs' expenses scandal. When he said this, I accurately predicted that he would be gone in 24 hours. What we have seen recently proves that almost every MP is taking the p*** by claiming all our hard-earned cash to run their second homes. And who tops the league as the biggest claimant? Our local Dewsbury MP, Shahid Malik! As I'm a bit scared that I might "disappear" at the hands of his "heavies" I won't say much here, but I can tell you about the time I met him.

  It was Christmas 2006 and Bethany (who was three years old and still had her naso-gastric tube in) had been the special guest to open Santa's Grotto on Dewsbury Market. Santa was then being transported in an open-top Rolls Royce to a stage by the Town Hall to switch on the town's illuminations. The event organiser offered Bethany a ride with Santa when Shahid Malik stepped forward and said, "No - that's my seat! There's no room for her!" What a gentleman!

  Anyway, it looks like they will all be voted out of office at the next election (which may be very soon). But the media have been so obsessed with the MPs' expenses saga that they seem to have lost interest in the Mexican flu that's slowly knocking us all off, one by one.

Sunday 17th May 2009 - ARRIVA TOUR SUCCESS

  Today was the third annual Arriva Tour - an event organised by me to raise money for The Sick Children's Trust. In a new Arriva bus, I led a convoy of five preserved buses full of enthusiasts around the Arriva depots at Heckmondwike, Dewsbury, Wakefield, Castleford and Selby. The Dewsbury Reporter sponsored the event, and people travelled from all over the country to take part. A total of £717.04 was raised on the day.

  To see the Tour website, click HERE, and to see dozens of photographs, click HERE! And if you took part, or helped in any way, thank you!

Monday 11th May 2009 - GETTING BACK TO NORMAL

  Last Friday the chickenpox outbreak was receding so Bethany finally returned to school after a four-month absence. Her latest blood tests show the levels are fine and her new liver is working well. Maybe we can now move on. Ironically, I've just added a YouTube video about Liverpool in the 1970s to the "Home" page of this website, with a track by Abba entitled "Move on." Upwards and onwards...... here we go!

Sunday 3rd May 2009 - BE AFRAID, BE VERY AFRAID!

  Iain Askham fell ill a few days after returning from Mexico. It was confirmed that he had this "swine flu", which the media would have us believe is going to wipe all human life from this planet. But, in the days between arriving home and developing the symptoms, he had been to see rock band Dove at the HMV Picture House in Edinburgh, along with 1500 other people, who will possibly now be at risk. When he mentioned this at the hospital he was told not to tell anyone, in case it caused a panic! When asked about this by a journalist, he said "That's not something I want to comment on."

  Draw your own conclusions, but this guy sounds scared - not of swine flu, but of the dark Government forces warning him not to talk about the matter. Now if I had been at the concert, I believe I have a right to know that I'm about to die. So what is the Government trying to hide?

  Health Secretary, Alan Johnson, says of the swine flu, "All the evidence is that we can contain it and treat it effectively." This man has no medical qualifications whatsoever. In fact, he has no qualifications at all, but in 2007 he was Education Secretary, a man without a single "O" level, telling teachers how to teach! He was also the guy prepared to hand my old school, the Liverpool Blue Coat, over to the Church of England. It would have happened too, except he was hastily "reshuffled". I expect he will be "reshuffled" again before the swine flu pandemic is over.

  So how did Alan Johnson get to his exalted position? He started his working life as a postman - a militant one! He soon became a Union man, and tagged onto the Labour Party. It was probably easier for Tony Blair to give him a ministerial post to stop his militant tendencies from undermining the Government plot.

  Basically, it is clear that the Government are not being "upfront" with us about the swine flu crisis, or much else for that matter (and don't even get me started on their ministerial housing allowances and the recession!) So what do we do now?

  First we should construct nuclear bunkers in our back gardens, then stock up on two years' supply of baked beans - but not Mexican ones - and lie low until the swine flu has gone, and Labour have lost power!

Tuesday 28th April 2009 - SPOT ON!

   Last Tuesday Bethany finally returned to school. She got as far as the playground and lined up with her friends ready to go in, then we spotted (pardon the pun!) an obvious case of chickenpox joining the line. We swiftly departed. Another case has since been reported, so Bethany is still stuck at home with her tutor. So Bethany is well enough for school, what a pity the school isn't well enough for Bethany! If no more cases are reported in the meantime, we'll try again on May 5th. Fingers crossed......

Monday 20th April 2009 - THE ONLY WAY IS UP!

  Lots of "good news" stuff is happening! Webeden, who I rent this website's space from, have thousands of websites operating on their servers, and give them a "star rating" according to the amount of visitors received each week. To get three stars, you have to be in the top 20% of all their sites. All eleven of the sites I operate are in this band or above. A few get four stars for being in the top 5%. But three of my sites, (Donna's Dream House, Dewsbury Bus Museum and this one), have all got a FIVE STAR rating, for being in the top 1%. Thank you to all my readers!

  But there is even better news than this. Bethany has had a slight "wobble" in her progress recently. The ALT levels in her bloodstream were raised. They should be below 50, but climbed steadily to peak at 148, a possible indication of rejection of the new liver. In the last two weeks they started to fall, 141, 114, 71, 73 last Thursday, then today...... 53.

  Last week she was released from isolation and allowed back into the world. Most of her medication was stopped, and on Friday she returned to her dancing class. Sunday saw her in Church again, after three months away, and tomorrow she will return to school! Without the gift of her new liver, she would now be nearing the point of giving up school for ever.... so if you haven't signed the Organ Donor Register, click HERE and do it now. Then you can enable others to live after your death.

Monday 6th April 2009 - THOSE "LIDL" THINGS MEAN A LOT....

  On Saturday, Samantha returned to the car in the car park of the LIDL supermarket in Dewsbury to find an A4 sheet of paper attached to the windscreen, bearing the message "CUSTOMER PARKING ONLY - MAXIMUM 2 HOURS - WHEEL CLAMPING IN OPERATION." Quite right too, except she was a LIDL customer (and had paid £60 for the privilege) and had only been there 40 minutes. She complained to the store who said "we stick them on all the cars, to serve as a warning."

  This is pure genius on LIDL's part - alienate all your paying customers, so they won't come back, then your car park will be available to everyone else! I may be a bit slow on the uptake here, but wouldn't it be easier to put up a sign in the car park, then put clamps on all the cars that HAVE been there for more than two hours?

  Congratulations, LIDL, you just lost a customer!

Friday 3rd April 2009 - "TEMPING"

  Twenty years ago, on the evening of Sunday 2nd April 1989, I packed my belongings into the boot of my Ford Fiesta and made the one-way trip from Liverpool to Yorkshire. The next morning, Monday 3rd April, I started work as a driver at the Dewsbury depot of the Yorkshire Woollen District Transport Company (Yorkshire Buses).

  I had spent the previous two years working as a self-employed driving instructor (with a bit of coach driving "on the side"), and had no track record to get a mortgage for a home in Yorkshire.

  Property was cheap and selling fast, and the mortgage companies told me that if I could produce six weeks' payslips, I would qualify. So I started a "temporary" job driving buses in Dewsbury.

  A few months and one mortgage later I reviewed the situation. I could either start a new driving school from scratch, hoping that long hours of sitting next to suicidal learner drivers would pay the bills before the nervous breakdown set in, or stay where I was.

  To cut a long story short, I celebrated 20 years at Dewsbury Depot today! I am now one of the "top twenty" of long-serving drivers at Dewsbury (a depot with about 170 drivers) and the mortgage would have been almost paid off by now if the marriage had lasted as long as the job. But, as they say, that's life.....

Thursday 2nd April 2009 - CHRISTMAS IS FINALLY OVER!

   Well, it wasn't my fault! We switched off our illuminations on 6th January, and it rained in the following days, so I couldn't take them down. On the days when it didn't rain I was working. Then, on 16th January, Bethany had her liver transplant, so I lived at the hospital for three weeks, managing to return home on one day to remove the bridge and Christmas tree. Since then I have alternated between work, hospital and bad weather until today, when I finally got the things down!

  But, as one passer-by observed, "They'll be going back up in six months!"

Wednesday 1st April 2009 - SECRET MILLIONAIRE

  On Sunday night, Donna's Dream House featured on Channel 4's "Secret Millionaire" programme, when scrap metal tycoon Gary Eastwood gave them £20,000 in a very tear-jerking programme. As you may know, I operate the Donna's Dream House website, and before the programme had even finished I was deluged with e-mail messages notifying me of people signing the guestbook and making PayPal donations.

  In the following 48 hours, phenomenal amounts of cash were donated, over 100 messages appeared in the guestbook and the website received over 7,000 hits!

  Today, I started taking bookings for the Arriva Tour (visiting five depots and raising money for the Sick Children's Trust). Already almost 30 of the 80 seats are sold, and at least £150 is in the bag!

  Normally, in a recession, charity giving is the first cut-back people make, but I see very little evidence of it so far!

Friday 27th March 2009 - IMPROVING THE WEBSITE

  Earlier this week I got a message from a lad called D'Andre Phillips, saying how impressed he was with my website, and asking me to look at his, also built with the Webeden package. I soon concluded that he is as mad as me, but he had taken advantage of the many new Webeden "widgets" that weren't around when I first launched this site back in 2006.

  Well, I like a challenge so I've been burning some midnight oil giving this site a "makeover". the pages are now much bigger, so I've been able to combine some of them. The menu now shows on every page so you don't have to keep going back to the "Home Page". The jukebox is at the top where you can find it, and so on.......

  I hope you like it!

Friday 20th March 2009 - ANOTHER RECORD BROKEN!

   We finally presented the cheque to the Sick Children's Trust following our Christmas lights event. (See www.christmasinthornhill.com) The fantastic total was £1034.89. Thank you to all who helped make this possible.

Thursday 19th March 2009 - A REPLY FROM THE DOG-LOVER WHO DOESN'T LIKE TESCO'S

  If you scroll down to 27th February 2009, you will see my opinion of the woman who wanted Tesco staff to mind her dogs while she went shopping. Today I received an e-mail from her, so to be fair and let you hear her side of the story, here it is, copied and pasted exactly as she wrote it. Apologies for the strong language and bad spelling. Her dog has the gift of healing - I just call my dog to HEEL! (My dog, Lassie, is pictured at the top of this page. She is a miraculous 20 years old this year, and has never been to Tesco!)

27th Feb article slagging me off.

Actually it was 6 pints of milk and I was not distressed in the photo, the dog moved as the camerman took the photo and caught me calling him back to heal.

Now from 6 pints of milk a weekly shopping grows, but not at Tesco for me. Incidentally, I didn't go running to the Press, I complained to Tesco and replied to a letter in the Spenborough Guardian where another dog lover hoped Tesco were going to provide a more secure and safe environment for dogs to be left. and the Press rang me. So smart arse, before slagging some innocent defensless lady off, get your facts right!!

Just remind me again, what's Tesco's motto in their ads? Oh yes, every little helps.

  Then, half an hour later, she sent this message (again copied and pasted):

Dear Sirs

How rude of you to write about me without having the decency to contact me beforehand. How dare you!

For your information I politely asked them if someone could either look after the dogs or bring a 6pint, not 1 pint of milk to one of the tills within 8 feet of the door where I could pay for it.

I had walked 1.5 miles there and walked 1.5 miles back, being environmentally friendly unlike you toxic people!

I think you may require an eye test as the "donkey" is actually a German Shepherd dog, the other is a medium sized dog which was a rescue dog, again perhaps you haven't done anything kind in your life.

I was not distressed, the camera man took the photo just as the dog moved and caught me calling him back to heel.

Another fact is that I did not run to the Press, they contacted me after I replied to a letter in the Spenborough Guardian. This was from another dog lover who hoped that Tesco would improve the facilities where dogs could be left after the other dog had been stolen then pushed off a bridge to it's death.

Are you by any chance familiar with the Tesco motto? Let me remind you..it's "every little bit helps" So smart arse!!! butt out!

yours faithfully

Sue Sessions

  I need make no further comments, except to invite the readers of this page to form their own opinions of both this lady and Tesco.

Sunday 1st March 2009 - THE GOVERNMENT PLOT TO POISON US ALL

   Yesterday I returned to work after a break of almost six weeks to see Bethany through her liver transplant. As I drove my bus into Bradford Interchange, a passenger handed me a leaflet. Having a whole seven minutes "stand time", I read it, and was rather alarmed at its contents. So this afternoon I went on the Internet to do some research and found things were even more alarming than the leaflet made out.

  It's true - the Government are going to force us to have our water supplies contaminated with fluoride, a dangerous toxic waste product from aluminium production. This stuff was put into water supplies by Adolf Hitler to subdue the populations of the countries he invaded. It causes porous and brittle bones, and rheumatic type problems, affects the thyroid and damages organs such as liver and kidneys. It lowers the IQ of growing children, and can cause dementia and apathy. The Government's excuse is that it will reduce the amount of tooth fillings needed by under-5s in "poor" areas. But the truth is that it goes on to produce "mottled" (blue/grey stained) teeth, and damages the tooth enamel.

  "Fluoridation is carried out by water companies in violation of their customers' human right to refuse consent to any medical intervention." - National Pure Water Association

  The first area to be conquered is Southampton. 72% of the population are against having their water supply contaminated with fluoride, and so are the County Council, but it's happening anyway!

  Here is a pompous statement:

   Despite new legislation in 2003 which gave Strategic Health Authorities (SHAs) the power to ensure a supplier adds fluoride to a water supply, none of the authorities have made use of this provision.

"And it's really time they did," says Professor Mike Lennon, chairman of the British Fluoridation Society, "because the benefits of doing so are now beyond doubt. Of course this isn't for everyone - it won't be necessary in the wealthier home counties for instance. But if Manchester started doing this, they could get child tooth decay levels in line with Birmingham, where kids are twice as less likely to have fillings."

  I feel so strongly about this invasion of our civil rights that I have added a page to this website with links to authoritative sites. Please click HERE to see it, then form your own opinions and let your MP know.

Saturday 28th February 2009 - "WE ARE A GRANDFATHER!"

   Yes, for the fifth time I am a grandfather! On Wednesday 25th February, my son Thomas and Dionne presented me with my fifth grandchild - a second grandson - Alfie. He weighed in at 8 lb 5 oz, and is beautiful. Take a look at the pictures at the top of this page, and on the "My Kids" page of this website. Five grandchildren, and I'm not even 50 years old yet!

Friday 27th February 2009 - WHY DO WE HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THESE STUPID PEOPLE?

   A month ago, someone tied their dog up outside the Tesco supermarket in Cleckheaton, about six miles from where I live. Sadly, the dog was stolen and later found dead. My opinion of the person(s) who did this is too strong to express here, but that is not what I am writing about.

  Today our local free paper "The Press" arrived. (Last year they tried to sell it instead of delivering it free. Sales were virtually nil, so in desperation they started giving it away free again before all the advertisers ran away). Page 10 has a huge headline, "DOGGONE SUPERMARKET STAFF WERE NO USE." The opening paragraph reads, "Dog-lover Sue Sessions says she will no longer shop at a Cleckheaton supermarket after staff refused to help keep her pets safe."

  Basically, she wanted to buy a pint of milk, so she took two huge dogs with her and demanded that the staff at Tesco either watch the dogs while she went inside, or go in and do her shopping for her! When they quite rightly told her where to go (and with considerably more restraint and tact than I could have shown!) she got a passing woman to mind them while she went inside, then ran whinging to The Press who are so short of news that they filled almost half a page with a picture of the silly woman (wearing a suitably distressed expression) and her dogs, which are almost the size of donkeys, and fifteen paragraphs of moaning.

  Tesco are probably glad she isn't going back (losing the sale of a whole pint of milk will hardly affect their share values). I mean, just who does she think she is? Why not use a bit of simple common sense? If you're scared of getting your dogs stolen, why take them with you in the first place? Pathetic!

FOOTNOTE: SUE SESSIONS SENT ME A MESSAGE - IT'S POSTED ABOVE ON THE DAY I RECEIVED IT, 19 MARCH.

Friday 27th February 2009 - SIR FRED: A "GOOD WINNER"?

   I'd never heard of Sir Fred Goodwin until a few days ago. But I had heard of the Bank of Scotland, Lloyds TSB and the Halifax. When they were all seperate and rival companies, they each lent me vast amounts of cash at exhorbitant interest rates. They competed with each other to see who could throw the most money at me and guess what? I couldn't afford the payments so they are now in a position of accepting (very) reduced monthly instalments with interest and penalty charges suspended. I will hopefully settle the accounts by my 737th birthday! They did this to millions of other people who can't pay them either. Sir Fred Goodwin was put in charge when the Bank of Scotland and the Halifax merged, and immediately set about making the most phenomenal mangerial cock-ups in the history of the banking industry. Buying Lloyds TSB was the final straw, he had to go. As he left, he was awarded a "pension" of over half a million pounds per year! At this point, the teetering structure he had been building collapsed, and the debris flew everywhere.

  Many bank workers will lose their jobs and the Government has had to pump millions into this bank to prevent all its investors losing their hard-earned cash. It was obvious a public outcry would follow, and it did. So what does Gordon Brown do? He tries to ask Sir Fred if he will give his pension back! (Gordon: "Excuse me Fred, can we have your pension back please?" Sir Fred: "**** off!")

  Sir Fred may be a complete buffoon at managing a bank, but he has handled his own affairs brilliantly, with a total, breathtakingly arrogant disregard of everyone else in the whole world. (I wonder if he was bullied at school?) He's got this pension and has pointed out forcibly that he's going to hang onto it. Wouldn't you?

  Basically, the Government have cocked up big-style, and the problem won't go away. As the banking industry rolls at speed towards the edge of an enormous cliff, the "fat cats" who have steered it in this direction are grabbing what they can and jumping out.

  If the Government does not pump taxpayers' money into the banks they will collapse and investors will lose everything. These investors will then vote the Government out at the next election, so this is not an option. But if they keep on pouring money into it (a bit like topping up a seriously leaking radiator) Joe Public will feel the injustice of paying a quarter of his hard-earned wages to keep the rich in the style to which they are accustomed, so this is not an option either. Whichever way Gordon Brown jumps, he is in trouble.

  Now for my personal prediction - we face a summer of despair. Unemployment will rise, currency will devalue and people will get angry. We may even witness scenes like those in France (and remember the Toxteth riots of 1981). After this, the Government will be voted out of office. But the problem won't end there, because whoever gets the most votes in a General Election, the result is always the same: some politician will win! And that is the root of the whole sorry situation......

Tuesday 17th February 2009 - MORE GOOD NEWS!

   Little Niamh Coyne, who was on the Liver Unit with us and running desperately short of time waiting for a liver transplant, received her gift of life on Saturday evening. Click here to read about it. Bethany continues to enjoy a phenomenal recovery. In the two weeks since she came home she has been full of fun and energy. Today I took her, with Eloise, to Caulms Wood, near Dewsbury. We parked the car and trekked half a mile downhill to the town centre, then half a mile up Kaye Street (very steep!) and she wasn't even breathless! (This is more than can be said for me!). Before she received her liver transplant we could not have even contemplated letting her attempt this.

  Every day we are so grateful to the donor and all the medical team, and hope that Niamh is soon well enough to start living life to the full. And, if you haven't done it yet, please SIGN THE ORGAN DONOR REGISTER!

Friday 6th February 2009 - BETHANY IS HOME! (BUT OTHERS ARE NOT)

   On Wednesday this week, only 19 days post-transplant, our daughter Bethany came home from hospital. She is now pink (instead of yellow), and full of energy. Her new liver is functioning at 100%, and she is a picture of health and happiness. The day after arriving home she was playing in the snow and enjoying a snowball fight with Eloise while I built a magnificent snowman in the back garden.

  Her full story is updated almost daily on www.caringbridge.org/visit/bethanysalmon, so please take a look. There is also news and pictures on Bethany's own website.

  We owe all this not only to the medical team in the Paediatric Liver Unit at St James' Hospital, Leeds, but to the anonymous liver donor who said "yes" so that others could live after their death.

   But not enough donors are coming forward.  During Bethany's first week in hospital, she and Eloise received parcels of goodies from a 14-year-old girl who was in a London hospital awaiting a liver transplant. It never came. As we took Bethany home on Wednesday, this brave young lady died.

  On our ward we met another young couple with a two-year-old daughter, Niamh Coyne. Time is fast running out for this little girl. If a liver donor is not found in the next few weeks, or possibly days, it will be too late to save her. The Daily Mail have published their story with a desperate appeal for people to sign the Organ Donor Register. Click here to read about her, then go to www.uktransplant.org.uk and register so that others may be saved after your death.

Thursday 5th February 2009 - SNOW JOKE!

  Q: What did the Dance School teacher say when she looked out of the window at today's blizzard?

  A: "Snow, snow, thick, thick snow!"

  Yes, after the 18th mild winter in a row, snow finally fell on "Great" Britain. It lay up to three inches deep in some places. It fell on Monday and Tuesday, with a few light flurries since, and the country ground to a halt! There were no buses in Central London, most schools were closed along with many factories, shops etc. Some areas lost their gas and electric supplies, and suddenly we looked like something from the "Third World", wherever that is! Prime Minister Gordon Brown had to apologise to the Chinese, because their ambassador made it to London from China for an important meeting, but the local members couldn't get from the other side of London! We are losing £1.2 BILLION PER DAY because we can't cope with a few flakes of snow! What a pathetic shambles! Other countries cope with months of snow and ice, and carry on as normal. We must be a nation of total wimps.

  But this is the best bit - after only FOUR DAYS of winter conditions, most local authorities are running out of salt for the roads. They are panicking, trying to import it from Spain, of all places, and warning us that if winter lasts another week, it will be the end of life as we know it!

  The winters of 1942 and 1963 saw prolonged periods of deep snow and sub-zero temperatures, but England kept functioning. There was even a war going on in 1942, but we carried on. What has happened to the great "British Bulldog" spirit? Is it now the "British Poodle"?

Wednesday 28th January 2009 - THE MIRACLE CONTINUES

   In spite of a dose of "norovirus" (if you've ever had it, you'll sympathise!), Bethany continues to thrive. As a precaution she is in "solitary confinement" to prevent further infection, and protect the other kids on the ward, but the plan is to move her, with the rest of us, into the self-contained flat at Eckersley House on Friday (14 days post-transplant) and home to Dewsbury less than a week later! Some fantastic people have visited her (big "thank you" to the staff at the National Coalmining Museum!) and we are very grateful to everyone who has sent gifts and cards.

  Meanwhile, I have spent the long lonely evenings in Eckersley House, next to a sleeping Eloise, putting together the website for my next fundraiser for the Sick Children's Trust. Take a look at www.arrivatour.co.uk and, if you're a bus enthusiast, put the 17th May in your diary!

Saturday 24th January 2009 - SOME THINGS GET BETTER, SOME THINGS GET WORSE

   Some things are getting better, especially Bethany's condition. Only eight days post-transplant and she has been riding a tricycle at full speed up and down the ward corridor! She had a very much appreciated visit from her favourite member of staff at school, and Sam obtained a pink Nintendo DS. Bethany is now happily playing on it, and has not noticed that it has a different serial number on the bottom.

  But if you are thinking of nicking this one, we have taken precautions. It is always surrounded by a pack of savage guard dogs and armed security guards. It has a satellite tracker attached so we can watch its movements on Google, and if it is played by anyone other than Bethany it will explode and blow your head off.

  And some things get worse - a charity has recently installed flat-screen TV sets with PS2, satellite TV, DVD player and Internet access in the single rooms on Bethany's ward. The equipment is secured in metal cabinets. When Bethany's wouldn't work the technician discovered that, whilst the previous child in the room lay seriously ill, the parent (presumably) had been busy forcing open the cabinet and stealing the "digi-box". Are you speechless with shock and disgust? I certainly am!

Friday 23rd January 2009 - ONE WEEK POST-TRANSPLANT

   Only seven days have passed since Bethany's life was re-started with the gift of a new liver, and if you don't believe that God answers prayers you should have spent this week with us! Bethany has already lost the permanent jaundice that coloured her skin and the whites of her eyes. The swollen abdomen is flat, and she can already walk the length of the hospital ward unaided. Before the transplant she was sleeping 15 hours a day, and awake for only 9. Already it's the other way round! In the words of a famous song, "the only way is up".

  Today I managed to get a few hours at home and removed the bridge and most of the Christmas lights from the front of our house. We are a few pounds short of our £1,000 target for the Sick Children's Trust, but it's not too late to donate on-line at www.christmasinthornhill.com  This would be especially appreciated at the moment, as this charity is accommodating us on the hospital site while Bethany recovers from her transplant.

  But no matter how good things are, some low-life always tries to spoil it. Bethany's favourite Christmas present was a pink Nintendo DS. She hardly ever put it down. Even the day after transplant, whilst "high" on morphine, she managed several sessions. Then, two days after leaving intensive care, some absolute ******* stole the thing from beside her bed, while she was asleep! We can't bring ourselves to tell her it's gone, and are desperately trying to find a shop with a pink one in stock so we can replace it. Whoever you are, if you have to stoop so low as to pinch a Christmas present from a seriously ill child's hospital bedside, I hope the thing electrocutes you! If you are feeling any remorse (which I doubt) you can post it (or the £120.00 to replace it) to PO BOX 269, DEWSBURY, WF12 0WB.

  However, seeing Bethany as she is now is worth a thousand Nintento DS's!

Friday 16th January 2009 - SOMEONE WHO LOVED LIFE GAVE LIFE

  8.25 am on a Friday morning - kids dressed in school uniform finishing breakfast, dog and cat munching happily on bowls of meat, and me placing the final medicine-filled syringe in the line that would help Bethany through the day. She never took those medicines, and never will. At 8.26 the hospital called us. At 8.45 an ambulance arrived to collect Bethany. By 11.00 am she was on the operating table receiving a liver that, sadly, was of no further use to the previous owner. The operation went well and her progress, so far, is very good.

  If you haven't registered yourself as an organ donor, now is the time. It takes a couple of minutes to do on-line, won't cost you a penny, and the organs retrieved from your body could save up to EIGHT lives like Bethany's.

  We have no idea whose liver Bethany received, and any gratitude we can show would be totally inadequate.

Through Bethany's illness we have got to know many families whose children would no longer be here without the gift of a liver or some other organ. Due to the generosity of some anonymous person and their family, Bethany now has the chance to look forward to the rest of her life.

  Click this: www.uktransplant.org.uk

Wednesday 7th January 2009 - LIVE LIFE THEN GIVE LIFE

  Did you know that over 8,000 people in the UK are on waiting lists for life-saving organ transplants? And did you know that about 1,000 will die because an organ does not become available in time? Our five-year-old daughter Bethany is awaiting a liver transplant, and is heading a campaign to get people to sign the Organ Donor Register so that others may live after they die. Only 25% of the population are on the register. If you are one of the 75% who are not, then please click the TESCO MAGAZINE logo at the top of the page, read about Bethany and follow the simple instructions to sign the register on-line. The few minutes this will take you could save a few lives like Bethany's.

  And today the famous Christmas tree was chopped down and taken away.........

Monday 5th January 2009 - UNBELIEVA-BULB!

  Yes, after only three days the Christmas tree has been stripped of its fourth set of bulbs. I wonder if this will keep going on until Easter?

Friday 2nd January 2009 - TREE SERA SERA!

   Unbelievable! Christmas is over, normal life has resumed and today Kirklees Council installed a fourth set of bulbs on the famous Christmas tree!

Tuesday 30th December 2008 - HERE WE GO AGAIN!

   9.40 am, I was enjoying a leisurely late breakfast with the girls, when the hospital rang again. Another donor liver was available, and could we come in please! This time we were (almost!) emotionally prepared. By 11.00 am we were on the ward. Bethany endured blood tests, x-rays etc without complaint. By 3.00 pm - the time planned for the transplant operation - she was ready, in theatre gown, and waiting. By 4.00 pm we were starting to worry when we hadn't been collected. Then at 4.20 pm the doctor arrived to tell us that the liver had proved too risky to divide and the operation was cancelled. Having fasted for 7 hours, Bethany immediately ate a meal on the ward, another in the hospital canteen and a third on arrival home! So again we sit and wait.........

Monday 29th December 2008 - OUR BIN MEN ARE STILL RUBBISH!

  After the incident on 23rd July, our binmen proved again how useless they are. Our normal Thursday collection didn't take place last week as it was Christmas Day. So they came today. Having already completely filled our grey wheelie bin, and remembering that they will not collect loose bags of rubbish, I filled our green (recycle) bin with non-recyclable rubbish, and left it alongside the grey bin. To make it obvious to the thicko bin men, I stuck a large sign on top of the green bin saying "THIS BIN IS FULL OF GREY BIN RUBBISH". The binman read the sign, opened the bin to see for himself, then tore the sign up and left the green bin un-emptied! I really can't be bothered any more. I will now put all my recyclable stuff in the grey bin (thereby destroying the planet) and leave the green bin out on the next green bin day (27th January, would you believe?) If they refuse to take it then, I'll paint the green bin grey! Idiots!

Saturday 27th December 2008 - JONATHON KING: A WALK IN THE PARK

   Scroll down to 10th September 2008 and read about Telford Council's decision that all men in parks are paedophiles waiting to molest children. Then think back to the trial and subsequent imprisonment of musician Jonathon King (he of "Una Paloma Blanca" fame). I have never liked Jonathon King, although some of his music is fantastic. I have always held the opinion that he thinks more of himself than most other people think of him and I was not really surprised to read in the papers a few years ago that he had been jailed for "sexual offences involving young boys." But then I stumbled upon this website: www.vilepervert.com  In fact, it is more than a website, it's a 96-minute on-line musical written and performed by Jonathon King for no financial gain (a first for Jonathon King!) Although I find his portrayal of God offensive and blasphemous, the message of the film is worth sitting up and paying attention to. I believe (although I cannot prove) that Jonathon King is innocent. I believe that most men who take a stroll in the park are not predatory paedophiles, but I do feel a bit nervous about the way society is ready to condemn people as perverts - reputations are destroyed by mere unfounded accusations. But enough about my opinions. If you have 96 minutes to spare, watch the movie and form your own.

  And, talking about parks, the Thornhill Christmas tree had been stripped of its third set of lights when I next passed it on the morning of Christmas Day. There are now about 150 smashed light bulbs embedded in the surrounding grass. Unless they re-turf the area it will be dangerous to children and animals all year round.

Tuesday 23rd December 2008 - LIGHT BULBS, LIVER TRANSPLANTS AND CHRISTMAS SHOPPING

  It's been a bit of a rollercoaster these last few days, so let's deal with the trivia first. Today Kirklees Council fitted a third set of bulbs to the Thornhill Christmas tree. As I write this they have been shining unmolested for six whole hours! Let's see how long this lot last.

  Last night, shortly before 10.00 pm, the telephone rang. It was the Transplant Co-ordinator to tell us that a donor liver had been found for Bethany, and could we please bring her in straight away! This was the moment we had been waiting for, and dreading at the same time. After two hours on the ward undergoing preliminary tests the surgeon decided not to proceed as the donor liver was too small for Bethany. This means that it has probably come from a child younger than Bethany - our hearts go out to the parents and family. This is what is so ironic about our situation, somebody else has to die for Bethany to live. Try getting your head around that!

  So, we got to bed around 4.00 am and Eloise woke as normal at 7.00 and decided to wake Bethany, and consequently me! In an extremely jet-lagged state, I went into Dewsbury to pick up one or two last minute bits of shopping. Although not as depressing as last year (see 22nd December 2007 below) it showed how the major downturn in the economy is hitting. For the last time ever I went into a Woolworth's store. Shelves were almost bare, but crowds of zombie-like emotionless people were queuing in silence to pay for all sorts of rubbish at 50% off. In less than a fortnight all Woolworth's stores will be no more, and the staff will be unemployed. As I wandered further around the town, I realised that all the other shops were virtually deserted. The streets were quiet, I even managed to park the car without any problem. Usually the place is absolutely manic on the last full shopping day before Christmas, so where was everybody? There was no Christmas music playing anywhere, in fact no festive atmosphere at all. I wonder if this is a problem peculiar to Dewsbury, or is it a national trend?

  But a few pleasant rays of light shine through. Some kids at the Community Science College (formerly Thornhill High School) had seen our efforts of 13th December (christmasinthornhill.com) and sent some lovely home-made cards signed by many pupils. They had also had a whip-round and raised £25.00 for our appeal. Thanks a lot, kids! So next time you're slagging off the youth of today, please remember that they are not all yobs or Christmas tree vandals!

Saturday 20th December 2008 - PLANTING BULBS

   Since I was born, light bulbs have been round. The shape has never changed, and you knew how many watts were needed to brighten up your room. Now it seems that the sale of these will become illegal in the next year or two (along with analogue TV), and we will all have to use these so-called "energy-saving" bulbs. People are so reluctant to buy them, that they are being given away. Our local council have been giving them to residents, our gas and electric suppliers are giving them out, and many charities are giving them to elderly people. We have a cupboard full of them, mainly given to us by elderly relatives and friends who don't like the shape of the things. They appear to be three white tubes, bent into U shapes and stuck on a large plastic base. When you switch them on, it takes almost five minutes to reach full brightness.

  But the most worrying part is that, apparently, they have a high mercury content. When broken they deposit a poisonous powder - great if you have children or animals that play on the floor.

  So my big project is now to buy a huge shed and cram it full of a lifetime's supply of conventional bulbs before they are outlawed.

Friday 19th December 2008 - HERE COMES CHRISTMAS!

   Christmas brings out the best and worst in people, and the Thornhill area is no exception. Last Saturday, 13th December, we held the big switch-on of the Christmas lights on our house. We are aiming to beat last year's total of £1008.44 for the Sick Children's Trust. At the time of writing, we have already passed the £800 mark, and will be collecting until 6th January 2009. Please visit www.christmasinthornhill.com to read about the event and make your on-line donation. We are very grateful to all those who braved the rain to attend and those who helped including Arriva, who lent us a bus and Alan Quick who drove it, Maurice the Miner from the National Coalmining Museum, Father Christmas himself, Don & Wendy Steward (food), Asda (prizes), Ray & Babs Greetings Cards on Dewsbury Market, Thornhill Baptist Church (tea urn) and Thornhill High School who surprised us with a cash donation and many lovely Christmas cards.

  But, at the opposite end of the spectrum, the area has some low-life who seem bent on spoiling things. In the last week of November a Christmas tree was erected in our local park. It took the worthless brain-dead scum of the area only 24 hours to strip it of all its light bulbs. So on Tuesday this week the council replaced them all. This time it took less than three hours until all but the five or six bulbs at the very top had been removed and smashed in the surrounding grass. Maybe, if the culprits are ever identified, it would be a good idea to plug them into the empty sockets! It would be the first time in their sad, pathetic, useless lives that these wastes of space have brightened anything up!

Saturday 29th November 2008 - CHRISTMAS LIGHTS AND MORE DOG SH*T

   Tonight was the night when Dewsbury Town Centre's Christmas lights were switched on. The Lord Mayor of Kirklees, Councillor Karam Hussain, was billed to perform the honour, but a couple of weeks ago he rang us and asked if our daughter Bethany would like to do it! He even called round to our house in the Mayoral limousine to collect her for the event and presented her with her "Children of Courage" award. Eloise joined her on stage outside the Town Hall, and the crowd cheered as Bethany and Eloise pressed the plunger and the illuminations came alive.

  Afterwards we posed for photographs with the Mayor, and met Father Christmas (on stilts for some strange reason!) Then we let the girls go on some of the fairground rides and returned home with two happy little girls.

  Then Eloise took her shoes off. My first reaction was wonderment at her ability to attract dog-dirt two days in a row, but there is so much of the stuff littering our streets that it is more of a miracle that the rest of us have avoided it for two days in a row.

  I will vote for any politician from any party who is prepared to get tough on this hazard to society. Did you know that every day more people tread in dog-dirt than get injured in road traffic accidents?

Friday 28th November 2008 - PEACE, GOODWILL AND DOG SH*T

   Christmas is coming early this year. As Bethany is likely to be called in for her liver transplant any day now, Christmas might be taking place in hospital. With this in mind we are being festive earlier than usual, so today I put up the Christmas tree in our living room. The girls are fascinated by it, as well as the singing teddy bear that "Pops" (Samantha's dad) bought for them. We had a peaceful festive evening, and on going to bed the girls discovered a pink Christmas tree in their bedroom.

  But today has not been all goodwill. The sort of will I feel towards our local dog owners is anything but good. Having walked home from school with the girls, we entered the house, the girls tossing their coats aside and kneeling down to play while I answered the phone. As my call progressed my nostrils were warning me that all was not well. Investigation revealed that Eloise's shoes were caked with dog cr*p. Kneeling down had transferred this to her backside, rendering her trousers, bottom of her shirt and a large area of the floor seriously contaminated.

  Having stripped her, hosed her down and incinerated her clothes I reflected on the brilliant forsight that led me to install laminate flooring during the summer. If the carpet had still been there.......

  So what sort of idiots walk their dogs, watch them answer nature's call and leave it there? And what sort of idiots let their dogs roam the streets contaminating them? Where are the dog-catchers? But a taste of their own medicine might be appropriate. From now on, if I see a dog deposit its mess in the street, I will collect it and post it through the owner's letterbox. You have been warned!

Wednesday 26th November 2008 - IT'LL SOON BE CHRISTMAS!

   This a normally a bit of a hectic part of the year, but this year it seems different. Our daughter Bethany is now five-and-a-half and is near the top of the list for a liver transplant. At any moment we could get the phone call and life will change dramatically. In the meantime we are trying to proceed as normal and squeeze in as much Christmas cheer as possible.

  We went to the White Rose Centre's Christmas lights event on the 10th November and met Father Christmas, Pudsey Bear and Stuart Manning (Russ Owens in Hollyoaks - Channel 4). Bethany has won some first prizes in competitions with her dance troupe, and Eloise made her debut at an event in Crossgates (Leeds) and came first as well! Bethany is waiting for the results of her first dancing examination. The girls have talent!

  This Saturday (29th November) the Lord Mayor of Kirklees, Karam Hussain, will pick Bethany up in his mayoral limo, and she will switch on the Dewsbury Town Centre Christmas lights. We've booked to take the girls to Santa's underground grotto, 140 metres below ground in a coal mine at the National Coal Mining Museum, then on Saturday 13th December Maurice the Miner, from the same museum, will switch on the lights at our house in a great fundraising event for the Sick Children's Trust. (See www.christmasinthornhill.com). I've already finished hanging almost 5000 bulbs on our house and have built an illuminated bridge over the gap to the house next door.

  The girls are very excited. Their websites are decorated for Christmas. Take a look here at Bethany's and here at Eloise's. And the weather forecast is predicting snow during December! Whoopeeeee!

  By the way - order a copy of WOMAN'S OWN on 29th December - there's a feature on Bethany in it!

Friday 31st October 2008 - .....OR HAS IT?

   Following my pleasant surprise on Wednesday, a letter arrived from Kirklees Council today, thanking me for my enquiry about road works in our street and promising to look into it!

Wednesday 29th October 2008 - MYSTERY SOLVED!

   This will impress you! I answered a knock on the front door and found two gentlemen - one from Kirklees Council and the other from Enterprise, owners of the barriers that appeared yesterday. They showed me a detailed map indicating how they planned to re-lay the gas main to the houses opposite, following a leak a few days ago. They explained the plans in great detail and apologised in advance for the inconvenience. My faith in large organisations has been restored!

Tuesday 28th October 2008 - BUILDING BARRIERS

   A great mystery is taking place right outside our house. Starting this morning, a white van towing a trailer made repeated visits, each time leaving a stack of orange plastic barriers, of the type that are used to stop people falling into roadworks. By mid-afternoon the whole grass verge was hidden under a mountain of the things. Obviously, some massive road works are about to take place.

  Not having received any notification, I rang Kirklees Council. They were most emphatic that no excavations have been authorised for our street. The man promised to check with another department and ring me back "soon". Up to now, he hasn't! So I rang the free phone number stuck onto each barrier. The firm is called "Enterprise" and they are based in Liverpool. It turned out that the lady who answered my call has a daughter attending my old primary school, and she was very pleasant. She promised to look into it and call me back. Twenty minutes later a gentleman called back. They have no work going on in our area, their barriers are blue or white (not orange!) and he was totally baffled!

  So, if you know anyone who may be using stolen, repainted Enterprise barriers to carry out large-scale unauthorised roadworks, please let me know. The suspense is killing us!

 

Tuesday 14th October 2008 - BEWARE OF THE CHILDREN'S LIVER DISEASE FOUNDATION

   This charity is supposed to support families of children with liver disease. But when my five-year-old daughter Bethany, who is awaiting a liver transplant, gave one of their workers details of her website, the CLDF anonymously reported us to the NSPCC for putting her "at risk" by having her photo and a few personal details on the Internet. This sparked an investigation by Social Services, the last thing we need with a seriously ill child to look after.

  This same charity has dozens of pictures of children on their own website, with the slogan "we want your photographs", in downloadable form, accompanied by enough information for me to find a ten-year-old girl's school, home address and phone number in less than five minutes!

  Hypocritical or what? And the Chairman of their Trustees refuses to apologise or acknowledge the charity's shortcomings and "considers the matter closed"!

  Then when Bethany was in hospital for her pre-transplant assessment, what did the CLDF do? They gave us some information sheets containing no less than thirteen appeals for money!

  If you think this is unbelievable, click HERE and read the facts, then judge for yourself. And if you ever encounter this so-called charity, BE VERY CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY!

Tuesday 14th October 2008 - IT'LL SOON BE CHRISTMAS!

  Yes, today I got the ladders out and starting hanging Christmas lights on the front of our house ready for the great SWITCH-ON in aid of the Sick Children's Trust on Saturday 13th December. Read all about it on christmasinthornhill.com - let's see if we can beat last year's total of £1008.44.

Friday 10th October 2008 - BETHANY GETS "LISTED"

  After a week of extensive tests and counselling in the Children's Liver Unit at St James' Hospital ("Jimmy's") in Leeds, the superb medical team have concluded that, although Bethany's general health is good, the condition of her liver is causing concern. We have agreed to place her on the transplant list. As soon as a suitable organ becomes available, she will be called in for surgery. You can follow her progress on Caringbridge and, if you haven't already done so, please visit www.uktransplant.org.uk and consider donating your organs to save the lives of others like our Bethany.

Saturday 4th October 2008 - BAGS OF TROUBLE IN ASDA

   If you scroll down this blog to 12th September last year, you will read about the druggies getting their free methadone at Dewsbury's Asda, and their attitude to my complaint. Over a year has passed and I still have not received a letter from them. But now they have a new scheme.

  Samantha was at the checkout packing the shopping into bags. Instead of leaving a rack of carrier bags at the checkout, you now have to ask the till operator for bags one at a time. When Samantha asked for another bag into which to put two loaves of bread, the assistant refused then tried to squash the loaves into two already full bags. It ended in a ridiculous slanging match, which Samantha won. Then, to prove her point (whatever it was) the thick checkout monkey gave her two very small bags - one for each loaf! It seems that Asda are trying to save the planet (or cut their costs!) by rationing bags. Total lunacy!

  Then, upon returning to the car, Samantha discovered a large dent in the passenger door, obviously caused by a total idiot in the next bay opening their door too wide and with too much force. The useless "here to help" person at the enquiry counter told her that the CCTV does not cover the parking area - it only covers the entrance and exit! So if you want to commit a crime in the Dewsbury Asda car park, climb in over the wall - you won't be seen.

  And to the inconsiderate moron who damaged our car, watch out. We will find you.

Thursday 2nd October 2008 - THIEVING BRAT MAKES MONEY SELLING HER STORY

  Scroll down to Saturday 19th July and read the story of a silly little girl who got caught stealing nail varnish in a shop. Now, today, some trashy magazine called "Real People" has published the story, written by the brat's mother and embellished with dramatic exaggerations. The mother has actually been PAID for the story! If one of my kids got caught stealing I would be so ashamed and embarrassed that I wouldn't want ANYONE to know. Can't you see, Mrs Cheryl Gilbert, your daughter is a THIEF and deserves punishing? With people like you around, it's no wonder the world is becoming such a terrible place.

Friday 26th September 2008 - IF I SEE ANOTHER LAMINATE FLOOR BOARD I'LL SCREAM!

   Ten days ago I thought I had finished renovating the living room, but we had a couple of packs of laminate flooring left over. I was in favour of getting a refund for them, but it made more sense to lay them in the hallway, joined neatly into the living room floor and dispensing with the need of a rail in the doorway. Seven hours of solid graft and the job is done. But now it doesn't match the upstairs landing! Here we go again.........

Sunday 21st September 2008 - MERSEYSIDE TRANSPORT TRUST RUNNING DAY

   Yes, I was in Liverpool playing buses on service 5. I was given Atlantean 1836 (TWM 220V) for the day. My brother John, who passed his PCV test in August, carried his first passengers, one of my passengers turned out to be a girl I babysat in Liverpool back in 1979, and the Dewsbury Bus Museum brought a party on their 1952 Leyland Tiger. But most of all, the sun shone all day! We were carrying full loads, whilst Stagecoach and Arriva hung back and let us get on with it. Click HERE to see more.

Tuesday 16th September 2008 - FINISHED AT LAST!

   After only eight weeks of hard graft, the final touches were put to the decor of the living room! The ceiling, paintwork and walls are now resplendent in Samantha's chosen colour scheme, the laminate floor is complete and the gas fire is now installed and working to a far higher standard than before.

  The clutter, and piles of children's toys has been removed and the place seems twice as big! Now we only have to hang the new curtains and replace the matching settees.

Wednesday 10th September 2008 - A WALK IN THE PARK

  Telford Town Park in Shropshire is a dangerous place to go on your own if you happen to be a lone male. Officials have been ordered to stop any men on their own and ask them why they are in the park. If they can't give a good reason it will be assumed that they are a paedophile looking for children to molest and they will be escorted out of the park! "This is a child safety precautionary measure" said a total prat of an official for Telford & Wrekin Council in a letter to someone who complained about the policy. Even the charity Kidscape who try to protect children think this is daft, and the Home Office think they've gone too far. But a council spokesprat said, "We do reserve the right to ask people what they are doing in the park, otherwise it's a free-for-all where they can come and do what they want." Pardon? Isn't that the whole purpose of having a park?  Click HERE to read more!

Tuesday 9th September 2008 - THICK WOMAN FAILS DRIVING TEST

   Michelle Kelly (31) failed her driving test because she drove through a puddle at speed and soaked a pedestrian. But she thinks she should have passed! She reckons that she would have caused an accident by swerving round it! Has she not heard of "reading the road" - looking a bit further ahead than the end of the bonnet? She has actually lodged an appeal against the result.

  Well, Michelle, if you think it's acceptable to soak innocent pedestrians, I hope I see you standing near a puddle when I'm driving fast! I bet you'll sing a different tune if some moron in a car ruins your clothes and gives you pneumonia! Idiot!!

Saturday 6th September 2008 - BORED WITH BOARDS

  The painting is done and the wallpaper is up! So I decided to start laying the laminate floor boards. After laying two rows, it became apparent that I had been sold some cheap rubbish. Instead of interlocking, they merely overlapped a bit (a tiny bit!) The slightest pressure caused them to separate.

  So I took them back to Topps Tiles in Wakefield and asked for an upgrade. But they only had a couple of boxes of the decent stuff to match our decor. Then I experienced something very rare - customer service! The manager made a few phone calls and located a supply in their York store. Then he hired a courier to collect them and deliver them to our house in little over two hours! Incredible! And these actually stay on the floor when you walk on them!

Friday 29th August 2008 - GETTING PLASTERED

   The saga of the living room continues. I've collected the laminate flooring, it's stacked up in the hall waiting for me to finish applying the wallpaper. The top half is done and I'm halfway through the bottom half. The fireplace is plastered, but did you know that you can't hang wallpaper on fresh plaster for several weeks? Meanwhile Christmas is approaching, it's only 17 weeks away! I've just filled in the form to apply for a road closure for the grand switch-on of our CHRISTMAS LIGHTS. If you're doing nothing on the evening of Saturday 13th December, why not come along?

Tuesday 19th August 2008 - DECORATING THE LIVING ROOM

  Ever wish you'd never started a job? Our front room has been in serious need of renovation. The previous occupant of the house had used a sort of regal embossed wallpaper that made the room seem half its size. Then it had been painted over several times. Stripping it was a challenge - in the end I took to hitting it, causing it to shatter, then sweeping up the pieces. A wooden dado rail had been mounted with screws that went almost right through the wall - I removed this with the help of a few sticks of dynamite. A huge "fireplace" had been built with rockery bricks painted black. The gas fire was actually nearly a metre into the room. I attached pictures of people I don't like to it, then used a sledgehammer! At this point I discovered why we are always drowsy in the winter. The gas fire had been sealed to the black bricks, but the irregular surface had caused the securing tape to come adrift. Furthermore, thick deposits of soot showed that the fumes, instead of going up the chimney, had been channelled through the bricks, emerging all over the living room! The brick "flue" behind appeared to have been constructed with sand instead of mortar. I simply lifted the whole thing out brick by brick!

  At this point, Bethany had to go into hospital, so the project stalled. Then I had to return to work. Jammed into small periods of free time I have managed to rebuild a fireplace using real mortar. The gas fire will now fit straight on to the chimney breast, giving us nearly half an acre of extra floor space!

  Then I painted the ceiling. It took three coats to hide the hideous blue colour with magnolia. Have you ever noticed that, when you climb the ladder with a paintbrush, all ceilings stretch to the size of a football pitch?

  Never mind, I'll get it done eventually!

Wednesday 23rd July 2008 - KIRKLEES BINMEN ARE RUBBISH!

  Last Wednesday, 16th July, our local binmen took a day off, because they want to earn more money. In fact, they took Thursday off as well. Those two days constitute 0.7% of their working year. They will probably be stupid enough to think this is a victory if they get an extra 0.7% on their pay rise! Their management must be sniggering behind their backs, and hoping they do this another four or five times because the pay they lose being on strike will be used to finance the pay rise. But I digress.... On 16th July, we placed our wheelie bin on the footpath as usual, but of course it was not emptied. During the next week we carefully placed our full bin-bags on top, as did our next door neighbour. The stack was over 6 feet high by Wednesday 23rd July when the binmen turned up. A gormless youth swept all eight of the bags onto the footpath and emptied the bins. I asked him if he was going to take the bags. This question needed either "yes" or "no" to answer it. Too complicated! Scratching his head in the style of Stan Laurel he said "It's not my round!" The driver of the wagon looked a bit more intelligent, and said that the Union had instructed them not to collect any rubbish that was not in a bin. And off they went, leaving the footpath blocked.

  I rang Kirklees Council and spoke to someone whose lack of co-operation was matched only by his sarcastic and condescending tone. It was quite simple, I was responsible for making sure my rubbish was in the bin. They were not obliged to collect it, and I should take it to the tip myself! So what did I pay my Council Tax for? But he was immovable - I should not have put it on the path. I pointed out that his employee had put it on the path, creating a health hazard, and a "trip" hazard. This amounted to littering. He said he would see if someone could collect it "over the weekend!"

  I telephoned the Police to report the dumping of the rubbish. I told them I knew who had dumped it and they were very interested in taking details to bring a prosecution against the offender, until I told them who the offender was. Then they changed their minds and said it was "not a Police matter", but assured me that if I dumped eight bags of rubbish in the street, I would be prosecuted. So, it seems binmen have immunity from prosecution!

  I thought of tripping over it myself and claiming thousands of pounds from the Council, but someone sneaked round on the Friday and removed it.

Saturday 19th July 2008 - PARENTAL IRRESPONSIBILITY

   Twelve-year-old Hannah Gilbert opened a pack of nail varnish in a Boot’s store in Folkestone and painted her thumbnail. A security guard detained her until her mother arrived and paid the £6.29. Her mother, 46-year-old Cheryl said, “Frankly, this country has gone crazy!” She wants an apology for the “heavy-handed” treatment! The incident made the national press, complete with photographs of the silly little girl, her face heavily made up, holding a bottle of nail varnish. We are all supposed to be outraged by the way she has been treated.

  Now, let’s get some facts straight. She opened a pack of nail varnish that was on sale and used some of it “because there were no testers”. But she had no intention of buying it because she had no money with her. Having unsealed it, no one else could buy it. So the store are supposed to just write off the cost, are they? Now, Mrs Gilbert – you let your little girl travel ten miles on her own, with no money, to roam around the shops. If she wanted a tester, she should have asked. But why test the stuff if you cannot buy it? She ruined a product costing £6.29 and you want them to apologise to you? Get real! Instead of letting your little darling roam around damaging other people’s property, try spending some time with her and teach her some respect. She needs to know how to take responsibility for her own actions.

  Or did you actually have any idea at all where she was or what was happening to her?

Saturday 19th July 2008 - SACKED FOR WORKING TOO HARD

  Headteacher Vanessa Aldridge was sacked from Marshchapel Primary School in Lincolnshire, just eight days before she was due to retire. She had taught at the school since 1990, and was the headteacher since 2001. Having been off sick with a back problem, the Governors allowed her to return providing that she did not teach, stuck to light duties and only worked school hours. As the school (with only 34 pupils) only has one other full time teacher, she ended up putting in a few extra hours. Because of this, on Friday 11th July, two governors unexpectedly arrived at the school, read out a letter of dismissal and escorted her off the premises. She was not even allowed to say goodbye to pupils. She was told she would be allowed to collect her personal belongings during the summer holidays. She is not sure yet if this means that she has lost her pension. Naturally, the shock left her in such a state that she was unable to drive home and her husband had to come and collect her.

  The Governors refused to comment, as did her employer, Lincolnshire County Council. (Source: Metro 18th July 2008). There is obviously a bit more to this story than meets the eye. For instance, why has the Chairman of the Governors, Councillor Edward Mossop, “stood down” until September leaving vice-chairman Rick Parkinson to deliver the news to Mrs Aldridge? A new headteacher, Anne Coney, has been appointed but had been running the place while Mrs Aldridge was on sick leave until 23rd June. Were the governors concerned that Mrs Aldridge would sue them if she hurt her back in school, in spite of the fact that her original injury had occurred at home? Or do these power-mad insignificant little people who are allowed to govern a school but are not qualified to teach enjoy their moment of “glory”? And who the hell do they think they are to escort her off the premises?

  No wonder all the dedicated teachers are quitting and kids are leaving school illiterate. I hope Rick Parkinson and his cronies can sleep at night, because “what goes around usually comes around” and, whatever career this silly little man follows may, one day, collapse around him, with any luck!

Tuesday 1st July 2008 - BACK IN BUSINESS

   I've been away from home for a few days. On Friday 20th June I headed to Liverpool for the Tricentenary weekend at the Liverpool Blue Coat School, organised by the Brotherly Society. It was fantastic, see their website to read about it. I arrived back in Dewsbury late on Sunday night, and the next morning we all headed off to Donna's Dream House in Blackpool, where I helped "Uncle Len" to install a PayPal donation page on their website. Why not take a look and make a donation? It was a superb week, and Samantha's dad joined us for the last two days. We got back to Dewsbury on the Sunday night and have just caught up with a total of over 130 e-mails received between us. So now it's back to normal.......

Tuesday 27th May 2008 - "KEY SERA SERA!"

   When you buy a Ford car, it comes supplied with a red "master" key, and two black "chipped" keys. The red one is not supposed to be used to drive the car - it contains the codes to make duplicate keys. So, we lost one of the black keys, and spent the last few months trying to remember to leave the surviving one for each other to drive the car. We finally got round to attempting to replace the lost key, so I went to Bramhall's, the Ford dealer on Bradford Road, Dewsbury. There were five members of staff chatting behind the desk, ignoring me. Finally one of them noticed me and asked what I wanted. I told him I wanted a duplicate key, to which he grunted "You want servicing then!" and pointed to a bell push mounted about a yard further down the desk. I pressed it and the SAME BLOKE walked down a few feet and said "Yes?". Unbelievable! I asked him how much a key would cost and he said "£22.50." I handed him the red key. He gave the classic "sharp intake of breath", and asked for the two black keys. I explained that we only had one. He shook his head, looking at me as if I was a total idiot and said "Well, we can't do it then!".

  "So, how do I replace my missing key?" I asked. He told me the car would have to be booked in to be re-programmed and a new red key and two black ones made for £102.00!!!!!! There is no option apparently. The Ford key-cutting equipment only works with a red key and two black ones stuck in it!

  Yes, Ford have seen all the gullible motorists coming. £102 for a key to a car that's only worth about £800. My advice to anyone thinking of changing their car is DON'T BUY A FORD!

Tuesday 13th May 2008 - WIPING THE SMIRK OFF A COWBOY CAR DEALER'S FACE

   If you have been following the story of how Excel Car Sales (also known as Clayton or Scooter's) ripped us off by selling a dangerous car, you will be pleased to know that today, in Dewsbury County Court, JUSTICE WAS DONE! Desperately trying to get back the cars seized by the bailiff to pay us, Chris Christoforou arrived at Court with a confident smirk on his face, and made some smug comments to us in the waiting room. But the judge saw through his lies and told him plainly, "You have... lost!" The full story is on another website that I have set up to warn people about him, and shows you how to sue anyone who has ripped you off. Please take a look and tell all your friends. Click here: excelcarsales.webeden.co.uk 

Wednesday 7th May 2008 - SHEDDING A FEW POUNDS

   The shed and the few pounds are not connected in any way. First, I'll tell you about the few pounds (£104.97 to be precise). Having acquired a laptop, my next groundbreaking technological challenge was to buy and set up a wireless router. Temporarily forgetting the exploding microwave (25th September 2007) I went to Curry's last Saturday. The "expert" staff flogged me a router which would be "simple" to set up and compatible with AOL Broadband. They also flogged me a USB mouse and a carrying case for the laptop. There were no printed instructions for the router, just a disk, which informed me that I had to connect a yellow cable. There were four cables supplied, but none were yellow. It wouldn't let me proceed past this point, in spite of five hours of effort on my part. Then I tried the USB mouse. After five minutes the right-click stopped working.

  So, on Tuesday morning I took them back. Waving the blue wire at me, the "expert" told me that "obviously it's this one, isn't it?" I asked for a cash refund, to be told "It's a bit early - we won't have that much in the till yet!" But, to his disappointment, they did. He handed me £105.00 in notes and asked if I had the 3p change. I didn't. As I left, he informed me, "You owe us 3p next time you come in here, OK?" As I had Eloise with me, I couldn't tell him what I was really thinking, and as for "next time" - he's going to have a very long wait!

  I went to PC World in Wakefield, got a router (which works and had a yellow wire!) and a cordless mouse and carrying case, all for only £102.97. The man in PC World informed me that the router I had bought from Curry's would never have worked - it was not compatible with AOL Broadband!

  So now to the shed - I cleared the ground nearly a year ago (see 21st August 2007 below), the shed was delivered in March, but bad weather had prevented me from assembling it until this week when summer suddenly arrived. Normally these self-assembly jobs can be frustrating, especially in equatorial temperatures but - surprise, surprise - in less than two days the thing was up! The instructions were concise and clear, there were no bits missing and I managed to avoid breaking, bending or losing any pieces! Tomorrow I will put the roofing felt on, then we can have an opening ceremony.

  Bethany and Eloise loved it, so much in fact that we had a picnic tea in it, whilst watching Peppa Pig on the laptop in Polish (truly, I kid you not - click HERE ).

Thursday 1st May 2008 - EXCEL MOTORS

  If you haven't been following the saga of a cowboy car dealer from Birstall and how they sell duff (and dangerous!) cars, refuse to reimburse and ignore Court orders, click HERE to see my special website. There is a very interesting twist as the bailiff has now seized some cars from them to auction and get our money back, and that of another lady. If you know anybody thinking of buying a used car, tell them to look at the website and steer clear of the cowboys!

Friday 11th April 2008 - SAVE THE ARK!

  Unbelievable but true! Kirklees Council are trying to close down the Wesley Playhouse, a Christian play gym in Howden Clough Methodist Church, because a couple of local residents don't like cars parking on the public road outside their houses. But you can help. Look at the "SAVE THE ARK" page of this website to read all about it and see what you can do.

Tuesday 1st April 2008 - APRIL FOOLS!

  Most of us have travelled on a plane. It's very simple. You report to a robotic clerk whose vocabulary is limited to "Good morning, sir!" and tell her you have arrived. You then place your suitcase on a conveyor belt and it is dropped into a large container behind the scenes. Then a monkey in a boiler suit pulls the container on a little truck to the plane parked outside and loads the suitcases into the hold. Simple! Nothing could possibly go wrong! Except at Heathrow Terminal 5 the monkeys are too slow and the planes keep taking off before the monkeys can figure out how to put the suitcases inside them! In three or four days over TWENTY-EIGHT THOUSAND suitcases missed their planes, and the mountain is growing daily in spite of 50 flights a day being cancelled. Now they are taking the suitcases by road to MILAN! Why Milan? Maybe they have a more intelligent breed of monkey there.

  The time has obviously come to close this embarrassment down until the monkeys can be trained properly!

Monday 31st March 2008 - HEATHROW TERMINAL 5

  After spending millions of pounds of our money, the embarrassment that is called "Terminal 5" is proving terminal in the true sense of the word! Is British enterprise and business really so completely thick that nearly half of the flights have been cancelled and tons of luggage lost? Out of 16 lifts in the complex, 15 broke down on the first day. But we can expect more of this. My five-year-old daughter can already read better than most school-leavers, who will be the British enterprise of the future! Maybe it's time to emigrate!

Saturday 22nd March 2008 - WHEN IS A CHURCH NOT A CHURCH?

  Kirklees Metropolitan Council think they know the answer - although it's not the answer they gave the officials at Howden Clough Methodist Church when they sought advice a couple of years ago. Howden Clough Methodist Church installed some play equipment in the part of the building that originally contained pews and an organ. With the exception of the lady in charge, who gets paid an allowance, all the "staff" of the Wesley Playhouse are volunteer members of the Church. Kirklees originally told them this did not constitute a "change of use" and that they did not need planning permission. Now (possibly due to complaints from neighbours who don't like a few cars parked on the public highway near their houses - or possibly sour grapes on the part of a play-gym a few miles away) Kirklees have decided that it IS a "change of use", and ordered them to apply for planning permission which could be refused, resulting in closure. But it is still a Church. Sunday services and other activities take place in the building.

  One point worth pondering - many other churches hire out rooms to other organisations, should they all be ordered to apply for "change of use"?

  This venture has saved the Church from closure, presented the Gospel to outsiders, and prevented the building from being vacated and becoming a haven for the local druggies and vandals. It is doing no harm to anyone, but it seems some spoilsports don't like to see a successful initiative.

Thursday 28th February 2008 - JUSTICE AT LAST????

  We got a letter today from Dewsbury County Court. The bailiffs have finally got onto the premises of Excel Car Sales and levied goods to be sold at auction to pay us what is owed. Keep following the story on www.excelcarsales.webeden.co.uk

Thursday 21st February 2008 - OUT OF THE ARK!

   I found a superb establishment today, and took Eloise along with Auntie Heather and Olivia. (Sam was in London and Bethany at school). It's the WESLEY PLAYHOUSE in Howden Clough Methodist Church. This is the place to take your kids. Look at the WESLEY PLAYHOUSE page of this website and you'll see what I mean!

Sunday 10th February 2008 - IT'S SUMMER!

  Only EIGHT DAYS after a fall of snow, the temperature reached 63 degrees! It was a gloriously hot sunny day, beaches were crowded and we took the kids for a picnic in the park. Maybe there is something to be said for global warming!

Saturday 2nd February 2008 - SNOW!

  After a few days when the whole country was covered in snow, people were being rescued from their cars, widespread power failures affected large areas and a ship was washed up on Blackpool beach, the only damage we suffered was the destruction of a toy gazebo in the back garden by a freak gust of wind. But this morning we woke to a covering of snow. The girls were excited, so I promised them we would build snowmen after taking Bethany for her three-weekly injection. But by the time we returned from the hospital it had all melted!

  I may be wrong here, but have you noticed that we never have decent prolonged snowfalls since Labour got into power? We may say nasty things about Mrs Thatcher, but at least we had decent winter weather under the Conservatives!

Thursday 10th January 2008 - THE BALIFFS CALL

   We got a letter from the Court stating that the baliffs had visited Excel Car Sales to recover our money, but "could not contact the debtor." Knowing the cowardly cowboy "Chris", he was probably hiding in the loo! Look at www.excelcarsales.webeden.co.uk to see the full story.

Saturday 22nd December 2007 - A WET AFTERNOON IN ROTHERHAM

  After spending most of the week suffering from a particularly virulant form of "man-flu" I was finally well enough to start my Christmas shopping. As I was dropping my son off in Rotherham, and had three hours to wait I decided to explore the town centre in the rain. I should have been warned by the sight of fully-laden X78 buses leaving the interchange bound for Sheffield every seven minutes - people were baling out by the hundreds! Most of the shops in the town centre were boarded up, barricaded off or even burned down. After an hour, I had explored the whole town and not found a single item suitable to buy as a Christmas gift for anyone! Rotherham Council had erected a "skating rink" in the middle of the square opposite the 20p-a-time public toilets. It wasn't real ice, just a load of large white plastic tiles, covered in grease and placed on a slope! I watched as people entered, promptly fell over and slid to the bottom of the hill. A nearby tent was full of dozens of injured people receiving first aid. It reminded me of the Red Cross tents in films about the First World War!

  There were a few people around, obviously on similar missions to mine - but I never saw a single person smile the whole time I was there. I have some advice for anyone thinking of going to Rotherham....  DON'T!

Saturday 8th December 2007 - GETTING SWITCHED ON

  Our annual Christmas "bash" took place on a cold blustery night in the street outside our house. So many people gave generously of their time and money as we switched on over 5000 lights on the front of our house and a home-made bridge across the gap to the house next door. Arriva lent us a bus in which the buffet was served and Heather Green painted children's faces. We had a tombola, lucky dip, "guess the name of the moose", Santa in his grotto (our hallway!) and lots more. Jane McHale from the Sick Children's Trust pressed the switch, and local Councillor Masood Ahmed made a speech!

  We are so grateful to all who helped or took part - the total raised for the Sick Children's Trust passed the £700 mark and is still rising. If you can spare a few pounds, please look at the special website at www.christmasinthornhill.webeden.co.uk  You can also see pictures and a video of the event.

Thursday 29th November 2007 - MY BOOK IS PUBLISHED!

  Yes, it really has! "Return to the Blue Coat" - the story of my school days is now commercially available. My old English teacher, Alan Gleave, thought it was so good, he has written the final chapter. Order your copy for £7.99 (+p&p) from www.bluecoatbrotherlysociety.webeden.co.uk

Wednesday 28th November 2007 - HERE COMES CHRISTMAS!

   It was the evening of the spectacular switch-on of Dewsbury's Christmas lights, so we went along. As we stepped out of the car it started to rain, but the girls enjoyed the fair and both acquired flashing wands and rabbit-ear headbands. There was a superb firework display and a short speech by somebody who told us the Carol Service would take place in the Dewsbury Minster at 6.00 pm (as advertised on the Kirklees Council website). As it was now 5.40 pm, we skipped tea and grabbed a snack then dripped our way into the Church. Our suspicions were first aroused when we noticed the programme had "28th December" on it! 6 o'clock came and went, but nothing happened. At 6.15 we collared a young man who seemed to be organising things and asked when they were starting. "Seven o'clock!" he replied. We left, both girls bitterly disappointed. After walking back to the car, we drove past the Minster at 6.32 pm and could see, through the large windows, that it had actually started!

  Never mind, I wouldn't trust any Church service where the opening "hymn" was written by Elton John!

Monday 5th November 2007 - FIREWORKS AND FAME.

   We returned yesterday from another stay at Donna's Dream House in Blackpool. We were specially invited back to film for "Spotlight", the Regional BBC TV News for the South-West of England. Some people in Cornwall are thinking of setting up a similar venture down there, so the BBC came to interview Bethany. It was screened tonight, just in time for us to watch it on Sky before setting off some fireworks in the back garden.

Monday 29th October 2007 - 57 DAYS TO CHRISTMAS!

  ...and even less to the grand switch-on of our Christmas lights in a great charity event on Saturday 8th December. (Click here to read about it). Part of my ambitious plans for this year involve building an illuminated bridge across the five-metre gap between our house and the one next door. My son Thomas' employer kindly donated the timber - I have painted it and cleared out some space in the side passage to start wiring up more than 5000 lights. Tomorrow I start climbing ladders and building the thing. The long spell of calm and dry weather is bound to end about half an hour after I start!

Monday 22nd October 2007 - DONNA'S DREAM HOUSE

  Donna's Dream House is in Chapel Street, Blackpool. (Click here to see their website). It is a charity providing free holidays to children with life-threatening illnesses, and they invited us to take Bethany for a four-day stay. In spite of it being the last week of October, it was actually warm enough to sunbathe on the beach! Bethany and Eloise loved the fairground, tramcars, horse & carriage ride, zoo, model village, sea life centre, waxworks and the famous illuminations.

Thursday 27th September 2007 - CURRYING FAVOUR!

  Armed with the remains of the microwave, we made a family outing to our local branch of Curry's, ready for a lively debate about the Trades Descriptions Act, and I had practised a word-perfect rendition of our rights as consumers. It was a huge anti-climax to be greeted by friendly, helpful staff who apologised profusely, handed us a brand-new microwave oven, and even carried it out to the car for us! They even gave us a new guarantee starting again today! However, our faith in the uselessness of of local traders has been renewed. Dewsbury County Court have granted us a Warrant of Execution, enabling bailiffs to visit the premises of Excel Motor Sales in Birstall to seize the cash they owe us. If you are not familiar with this saga, visit www.excelcarsales.webeden.co.uk - it makes interesting reading!

Tuesday 25th September 2007 - EXPLOSION!

  Every Tuesday, after school, Samantha takes the girls to the "Miss Mary School of Dance" - an excellent institution which actually trades under the name of "Claire's". They normally meet in a dance studio above the offices of Dewsbury railway station, and the girls love popping down to the platform to watch the hoardes of office workers from Leeds emerge from the crowded trains and scuttle away to retrieve their cars from the residential side streets nearby, whilst the highly expensive station car park stands empty! Anyway, today's meeting was being held in an alternative venue (the Church of the Nazarene) because some low-life had nicked the lead from the studio roof the night before a torrential rainstorm brought all the ceilings down. This meant no trainspotting, and a slightly earlier return home to the culinary delights which I was preparing. ("Oh, no - Daddy's making the tea! Can we go to McDonalds?")

  Using my amazing skills in the kitchen, I inserted the boxes of micro-chips into our gleaming stainless steel microwave, purchased only ten weeks ago to replace the previous one which had exploded. Setting the timer to the requisite 3 minutes and 40 seconds, I pressed the stainless steel "go" button. Ten seconds later a loud "beep beep beep" told me the chips were ready. Suspiciously I opened the door to find they were still frozen solid. Undaunted, I reset the timer and pressed "go" again.

  Noticing Samantha unloading the girls from the car outside, I started pouring her mandatory cup of tea, and the microwave duly "beep beep beeped". This time the chips were perfectly cooked. I removed them and closed the door. My hand had just left the highly conductive stainless steel microwave door when a blinding flash and shower of blue sparks emerged to an accompanying "BOOM!" This tripped the circuits and set off the burglar alarm. Through the window I noticed our two cats leaving the premises at speed, whilst Lassie - our dog - shook her head in despair.

  This meant that every clock and timer device in the house needed re-setting and the computer needed re-booting. (Unlike the last time this happened, I had fortunately remembered to click "save" this time!)

  Luckilly the microwave was covered by the guarantee, so it will be replaced, but not with the same model. It's been "discontinued". I wonder why?

  Meanwhile, anyone for salad?

Wednesday 12th September 2007 - DRUGGIES IN ASDA (Warning - this item contains strong asterixes!)

  The sun was shining, the birds were singing and I was in the cafe at Dewsbury's Asda superstore with Samantha and the girls enjoying lunch. I took Bethany out to the car to offload the shopping we had already bought before returning to the store to buy more. We stepped out of the revolving door and there they were - three gaunt, vacant-eyed, heavily tattooed skeletons! Their clothes were falling to pieces but they were arguing over the rival qualities of two highly-expensive (probably stolen) IPOD thingummies in their possession. One told another that "mine is f***ing better than that f***ing sh*tty pile of cr*ap, you f***ing w***er!"  The second told the first that he was a "f***ing kn*bhead," and to "shut the f**k up or I'll f***ing stab yer, ya b****rd!"  Bethany was fascinated by these new words, especially as the third pointed out that "we'd better f***ing go in - the f***ing woman said ten f***ing minutes!"  The penny dropped - they had come for their daily free methadone at the in-house pharmacy. Now I made a mistake. Leading Bethany as fast as possible (while trying to look cool and leisurely) I entered the revolving door. So did they! As one of them staggered into the glass, the safety device came into play and the door stopped, trapping the five of us in a one-metre triangular glass prison. Shoving the door does not work, as they soon discovered. One of them worked out that "the f***ing baldy c*nt in front has f***ing bust it!"  Luckily, it moved enough for us to escape.

  I complained to the duty manager. It seems that Asda have a policy of welcoming everyone - no one is excluded! These druggies have their rights, you know. They have taken large quantities of illegal drugs, destroyed their health and sanity, cannot work as a result, and so live at the expense of taxpayers like myself, and have a right to inflict their gutter-language on any innocent citizen who crosses their path. However, do I have a right to take my four-year-old daughter shopping in peace on a Wednesday morning? Not in Asda, apparently. The manager promised that Asda would write to me about it "very soon". When the letter arrives (IF it arrives) I will share it on this page.

  Meanwhile, I know that the Batley branch of TESCO does not have an in-house methadone shop. I will go there in future and advise you to do the same.

Sunday 9th September 2007 - A "RALLY" GOOD TIME!

  The Merseyside Transport Trust held their second annual Running Day on the streets of Liverpool, in particular the old services 4 & 5 from Woolton. As kids, my brother John and I used to hang around the terminus on Hunts Cross Avenue attempting to befriend the drivers and ride to town and back. I commuted to the Blue Coat School on the number 4 and always dreamed of being able to drive on this service. When I became a driver for Merseyside Transport in 1983 I was posted to Green Lane depot and never achieved this ambition. Shortly after the de-regulation of the bus industry in 1986, the 4 & 5 were axed.

  But today, my dream finally came true! I drove Leyland Atlantean 1111 on the 4. I paused outside the Blue Coat School for photographs and John travelled with me from the Pier Head to Woolton. A great day was had by all. People travelled from all over the country to ride on these historic vehicles.

  See the MTT Running Day page of this website for more.

Friday 24th August 2007 – TOYS ‘R’ DEFECTIVE

One of those days when the big stores show their contempt for the peasants whose pennies make them rich. Samantha returned from our local ASDA with some bags of popcorn, which the girls love. As they eagerly devoured the stuff, I pinched a handful and stuffed it in my mouth. Instead of the delicious “crunch”, I got a sort of sticky “squelch.” Trying to keep smiling as I swallowed it, I looked at the packet.  “Use by 28th July 2007!”  The girls were disappointed as I confiscated the remainder of their treat. (“Why, Daddy? What did we do wrong?”)

Then Samantha took the girls to TOYS ‘R’ US in Birstall to spend the contents of their piggy banks. Bethany achieved her life’s ambition of owning a Baby Annabelle doll. She nearly burst with excitement as I unwrapped about fifty pieces of wire, laboriously applied by six-year-old slaves in a third world sweat shop to keep the thing in its box. I inserted the batteries, switched it on and placed the dummy in its mouth. At this point, the instruction manual assured us, it would make sucking noises, the mouth would move and the eyes would open and close. It made a grunt, followed by a buzzing noise and nothing moved. For the second time in a day we saw the bitter disappointment as we prised it from her arms and put it back in the box.

After the children went to bed, Samantha made the eight-mile trip to Birstall where an unsympathetic assistant grudgingly exchanged it. Not willing to take a chance, Samantha tried it out in the shop. This one was exactly the same! However, the third one worked. After their refusal to offer any token of “goodwill” to compensate us for this harrowing ordeal, Samantha left the assistant surrounded by cardboard, pieces of wire and Baby Annabelles and headed to Asda.

The staff there were suitably apologetic and bribed Samantha not to go to the Trading Standards office with a £5 gift voucher.

Samantha is now trying out the Baby Annabelle before Bethany sees it. It is quite impressive, but won’t eat the popcorn!

Thursday 23rd August 2007 – I MET CATHY TYSON!

Cathy Tyson is a famous actress, and now stars in Emmerdale and Grange Hill. She grew up in the Dingle area of Liverpool. We went to the garden party at Eckersley House (the Sick Children’s Trust Home from Home at St James’ Hospital Leeds), and there she was! She actually spoke to me! (“Get out of my way!”) She posed for photographs with Bethany and Eloise, so I squeezed in and managed to get a few words with her. She was really nice, and very good with the children. To make the day complete, I won a hand-knitted doll on the tombola! It doesn’t get better than this!

Tuesday 21st August 2007 – SKIPPING ALONG

To my bitter disappointment, the skip we had ordered was delivered on time. I had no option but to fill the thing! I spent the next six hours covered in mud and perspiration, trying to discover the ground beneath a pile of junk in the corner of the back garden, where the proposed shed is to be erected. Having shifted a couple of tons of wood, and mud, several whole trees, a water butt, a pram and an old bath (considerately left for us by the previous occupier), I decided to mow the lawn. Having unwrapped the cable from the mower, I looked round to find I had dropped the plug into the dog’s water bowl. Realising that electrocution would accompany any attempt to plug it in, I had to get a screwdriver, take it apart and dry all the pieces with my handkerchief! Having successfully cut the grass, I dragged my aching skeleton to the bathroom, scraped the layers of dirt off in the shower, and reappeared looking almost decent, ready to depart to a Church meeting. I’m getting too old for all this physical work!

Sunday 19th August 2007 – TERRIBLE TRENTHAM

It was the “Hugs & Hopes” day for families of children with liver problems around the UK. A picnic was planned in a central part of England. This turned out to be Trentham Gardens near Stoke on Trent. Although we had a great time with lots of wonderful people, the venue was a pile of cr*p!

We set off in plenty of time and were due to leave the M6 at junction 15. We passed junction 16 over half an hour ahead of schedule and feeling very optimistic, then it just had to happen! Mr “I’m-not-going-to-drive-slower-just-because-it’s-raining-cats-and-dogs” did not notice the brake lights of the car in front (about six inches in front!) through the heavy spray and near-dark conditions and kept his foot on the gas. Having bent a couple of bumpers and broke some indicator lenses, this very minor shunt caused the whole of central England to become gridlocked. As we sat for an hour on the same spot, the intensity of the rain was equalled only by our offsprings’ requests to get out, eat, drink, go to the toilet or vomit, and the matrix sign in front of us suggested we slow down to 40 mph as there was an “accident ahead”!

Finally arriving half an hour late, we discovered the “Trentham Estate” to be devoid of any meaningful signposts. A mobile phone call from the others told us to head for the Italian Gardens. We stopped an employee (probably called Malcolm and earning the minimum legal wage, having just scored straight A’s in the constantly easier GCSE exams) and asked him the way to the Italian Gardens. He had obviously not been presented with such a difficult situation in his life! Revolving at speed, and managing to point in five directions simultaneously, he struggled to communicate the message that he didn’t know. He suggested we drive to another car park. There we met someone whose brain cell was switched on, who told us that Malcolm had actually been standing about a metre from the Italian Gardens.

We drove back. I looked around for Malcolm, with a view to planting him in the Italian Gardens, but he had disappeared. Maybe he had been a mirage!

Now, if you want somewhere nice to go for a day out, Trentham Gardens is definitely not it! We failed to discover any flowers, just a wooden shopping arcade where drivers of 4x4s roam around with their families buying three-inch teddy bears with key rings on their heads at £6.99 a time, and cups of tea at £2.40. A small bag of sweets each for four children set Samantha back around £14.00! The fairground was closed due to the rain, but the children hid their disappointment by wading knee-deep in the puddles near a tent where a disheartened-looking bloke in a greasy apron was attempting to sell German sausages to a non-existent crowd by playing very loud yodelling music over a loudspeaker.

Two hours later, we squelched our way back to the car, vowing that wherever the next Hugs & Hopes day takes place, it will not be Trentham Gardens!

Saturday 11th August 2007 – JOYEAUX ANNIVERSAIRE!

We went to Sandbach! We spent the afternoon in a field playing games at Josh Griffin’s 7th birthday party. Josh’s parents, Ben and Liz, are great friends of ours, but left Dewsbury last summer. In nine days time they are moving again – to France. Bon voyage!

Wednesday 8th August 2007 – BACK TO SCHOOL

I spent the day at the Liverpool Blue Coat School, with a couple of other Brotherly Society members, showing Albert Blundell around the school. This 92-year-old gentleman had boarded there from 1923 until 1928 and had not seen the place since moving to Blackpool before the war! Afterwards we took him, and some of his family, to the Richmond Tavern for lunch. This establishment is built on the site of the Prince Alfred Road bus depot, where I worked in the office from 1981 until 1983. A nostalgic and worthwhile day, but I have now disappeared twice in four days leaving Samantha with the kids, and no car. Am I evil, or what?

Saturday 4th August 2007 – A BUSMAN’S HOLIDAY

By 6.30 am I was cruising down the M62 on my way to Burscough, home of the Merseyside Transport Trust. Ten preserved buses headed in convoy from the hangars to the Woodvale Rally, near Southport. I drove L835 (FKF 835E) a Leyland Atlantean, new to Liverpool Corporation in 1965. Having been off the road since 1990 it had passed its MOT test a few days before and was making its debut, carrying its first passengers for decades on the car park shuttle. I also had a go at six other Atlanteans and an AEC Regent.

Thursday 2nd August 2007 – FOUR AND A HALF MONTHS TO CHRISTMAS

As promised, Manor Garage fixed the car – we are now ready for when it snows!

Wednesday 1st August 2007 – STAFF AND NONSENSE

Having swapped rest days with a colleague so I could go to Jessica’s party three days previously, I had to work. Normally I leave the car with Samantha, travel to work on the bus and get a lift home in the early hours by the staff bus (locally known as the “Paddy”). Today I was scuppered – I was driving the staff bus! After grovelling to Samantha all day, she graciously allowed me to take the car to work so I could get home in the early hours.

Tuesday 31st July 2007 – THE MAD GOLFBALL THROWER OF BRIDLINGTON

  Our friends, Dorothy and Ken, were on holiday in Bridlington with their grand-daughter Allanna, and the weather was hot, so we went to see them. They treated us to a fantastic meal at the restaurant on the Fir Tree caravan site, near Sewerby. I chose the gammon and chips, but it was not just served – it was presented! It was the best meal I had eaten in weeks, and – for only six quid – there was a much as I could manage, and I can manage quite a lot!

  Then we spent the afternoon on the beach with the kids, proving that the result of King Canute’s experiment is still valid as we kept moving the tent and all our gear up a rapidly shrinking beach.

  We then set off to walk the length of the promenade to the fairground. Suddenly a hard missile hit the back of my left ankle with tremendous force, almost precipitating me over the sea wall. Looking round I could see no malicious gang of yobs as expected, just a golf ball ricocheting off walls and lamp posts. Then he appeared – Mr Recently Retired Twit smiling smugly at those around him, closely followed by Mrs Recently Retired Twit. It was the hottest day of the year, but Mr Twit did not have the intelligence to notice this and had a thick crew-neck sweater on! He then proved how clever he was by asking for his golf ball back! Yes, this moronic “considerably-richer-than-you” idiot, having spent his retirement lump sum on a caravan, now realised that his imagination did not stretch as far as working out how to enjoy the seaside and had settled for throwing a golf ball around a crowded promenade for his poodle to fetch!

  Grinning inanely he apologised. His words told me he regretted the incident, but his tone assured me that if common riff-raff like me and my family had not been cluttering up his promenade this type of thing would never happen! He then strode off and, putting the golf ball in his pocket, downgraded the exercise to throwing a tennis ball around a crowded promenade for his poodle to fetch!

  Mrs Twit, whose face makeup was apparently applied by a time-served plasterer, was obviously embarrassed by this, and came back to assure me that he really was sorry, that he had never lost control of his golf ball before and pointing out that the promenade was much more crowded than it had been in the winter when he had first taken up the sport.

  We later spotted him chatting to the crew of an ambulance parked on the promenade. Maybe they follow him around to collect the victims of his ball-throwing antics.

Sunday 29th July 2007 – HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JESSICA!

  As usual, I took the girls to Church, then we all headed straight to Widnes in order to celebrate my niece – Jessica – becoming of age. Is it really eighteen years since she was born? John (my brother), partially obscured by a cloud of smoke, was cooking strange greasy pink things on a barbecue in the garden. We ate them anyway. Then I discovered a cool-box full of bottles of lager and thoroughly enjoyed the afternoon. Cheers, Jess!

Saturday 28th July 2007 – GOOD MANORS!

Having noticed a strong smell of anti-freeze inside the car, and noticing that the windows actually steamed up when the demister was activated, I investigated further. I discovered the water level was alarmingly low and the carpet below the dashboard was now wet enough to grow rice. Yes, there was a leak from the pipe that led to the heater. With a trip to Widnes planned for tomorrow and one to Bridlington two days later, consternation reigned. Fluttering her eyelashes as only she can, Samantha phoned Manor Garage and told them the tale. Melted by her beauty and charm, they told her to bring the car down straight away. An hour later she was back, with a quote of £170 for a repair, but the heroes at Manor Garage had effected a temporary bypass to the heating system so our travels could take place. However, they warned us that if we were to have freezing weather conditions this week, the heaters would not blow warm!

  This is not the first time Manor Garage has sorted our lives out. If you have vehicular problems in the Dewsbury area we can recommend them. (01924 469906).

MUSIC!

BUSES